V.G. Movies #31: Alone In The Dark 2.

[Welcome back to the Evolution of Video Game Movies series. Every week, I will be moving forward through time, starting with the earliest and ending with the most recent of video game movies. I will be detailing the histories of the games and how the films came about, and both my and fan reaction to the adaptations. Practically all of my background information is either common knowledge or from Wikipedia. So without further ado, let's move on to the next film on the list.]


So let me get this right. Uwe Boll passed on this sequel, and instead turned the reins over to his long-time co-producers and screenwriters for practically all his former films, Peter Scheerer and Michael Roesch. Well... shit.


So some time in between films, Christian Slater became an Asian man. Interesting. I honestly have no idea what the plot of this movie is. Hell, IMDb doesn't even know, as it just gives some BS concept blurb. The best I can give is this... Edward Carnby (Rick Yune) is stabbed by an evil witch's knife and becomes infected with... something that attracts the witch. The Dexter family--including Natalie (Rachel  Specter) and her father (Bill Moseley)--take him in to heal him up. With the help of some companions--including Boyle (Ralf Moeller), Perry (Danny Trejo), and Abner (Lance Henriksen)--they... try to do something with the knife... to stop the witch... or something. But at least some Uwe Boll regulars show up like Zack Ward and Michael Pare.

I didn't understand a damn thing that was going on in this movie. Most of the plot was either not explained very clearly (or at all), or was explained so late in the game that it was far too late to matter or care. I didn't know what any of the character motivations were. Why did these people care about Edward Carnby enough to risk their lives for him? As far as I could tell, he never exhibited anything of importance to... anything that was going on. In fact, the few times you do get a sense of why he's involved, it's for selfish reasons that would only endanger everybody even more. I never could figure out why they wanted or needed the knife and what would be bad about the witch actually getting it back. Them having it didn't help them or make anything better. I'm also not sure what the point of the witch was outside "I want my knife back" was. Well, there was something you learn about a connection to the Dexter family later on, but by that point I really couldn't have cared less.

As expected, the acting is terrible. Rick Yune is barely a presence until about an hour in, as he spends more of his time incapacitated. Ralf Moeller is like an Arnold Schwarzenegger wannabe (not even remotely as cool). Bill Moseley, who I recognize as the worst thing in Repo! The Genetic Opera, shows up to give some more signature painful acting here. He's seriously so outmatched that even the shitty acting from Rachel Specter seems in a whole other league. It's almost comical. Danny Trejo is horribly underused; the man probably has a total of 5 minutes at best and doesn't do anything worth hiring Danny Trejo for. The best part of the movie, frankly, is Lance Henriksen. His acting is by far the best, and his character is at least fun to watch.

This film wasn't actually as painful as I was expecting, but that doesn't stop it from being God-awful. The story is so under-explained that you never know why anything is happening or what they're doing. The motivations of the characters are either nonexistent or muddled at best. The CGI is bad, which is also to be expected. The acting is laughable, and I still have no idea why they changed Carnby's race from the first film. Talk about odd continuity. Save for Lance Henriksen, there's nothing good about this movie, and no real reason to watch it.

The Zed Word

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