WTF Did I Just Watch: Deadgirl.

So, I haven't done one of these in a long time. For those who don't remember--or weren't around back then--these types of reviews are pretty spoiler-heavy. I write them similarly to how Jason Soto writes his reviews; in other words, I summarize the movie while talking about the bizarre shit that goes on during the film. And yeah, I'll cuss a lot, too. Now, I had heard of this movie and even seen the trailer. I thought it was interesting, but I'd forgotten about it. Then Jason mentioned he was going to be doing a Live Twitter Event later this month where he will be tweeting his reactions as he's watching (I can't wait for that one). He got me interested in checking it out again, and when he reminded me it was on Netflix Instant Streaming, I thought "why not?"

This post is the true story of "why not."

A lot of you might know Jason's love/hate relationship with the French horror film Martyrs. I'm going to start off this review by saying... this is my Martyrs.

It starts off with two douchebags named Rickie and J.T. Rickie totally looks similar to one of my students, which really put me off immediately. Anyway, he starts with the joke "What's a word that starts with 'F' and ends with 'uck'? Firetruck!" Of course, any Smosh fans like myself out there will immediately go right to this. Not off to a good start.. So that threw me off for the first 5-10 minutes, as well. It doesn't help that the acting is terrible and the visuals look horrible. And obviously, the rest of the writing/dialogue and directing is just as painful.

Well, the douchebag duo decide to ditch school and go drink some warm beers in an old, abandoned insane asylum. Why? Why not! So they head on in and do douchebag things like kick chairs into walls, waterfall hot beer into their mouths, and try repeatedly to break a shatter-proof window. Eventually, they're chased down into a basement or something by a random, angry dog. While there, they stumble upon the tied up body of a nude girl. She's beaten, bound, and gagged. Rickie seems to do a personality 180 and become a more caring individual (our hero, ladies and gents), while J.T...

OK, I'm not making this up. They see the dead-to-dying body of a girl long forgotten in this decrepit building. J.T.'s first response? Essentially "Dude, let's fuck her. A lot." No joke. Of course, Rickie wants none of this and leaves. He does try to call the cops, but his mom's drunk boyfriend shows up and distracts him by giving him good life advice. Rickie yells at him and acts like a dick for reasons we're never really given except that he drinks beer. I guess that's really the sign of a douchebag in this movie.

We also discover not long after that Rickie is in love with some girl JoAnn, who he apparently had a chance with when they were in Jr. High, but now that time has past because she's turned into a bitch who will only date jocks or something. Anyway, we're also introduced to another friend of Rickie and J.T., a stoner named Wheeler.

Rickie, wanting nothing to do with the whole situation, tries to stay away. But J.T. comes back and forces Rickie to come back, as he has something to show him. They go, and Rickie starts to realize that J.T. might have killed her. And he did. About 3 times. He strangled her, broke her neck, and shoots her a few times. But she won't die. He "accidentally" killed her the first time because she was a bit... bitey. It's like she's a zombie or something! So you know what he does? Fucks her some more. They make a promise not to tell anyone about this, and Rickie leaves.

Rickie, having nightmares about the deadgirl, decides to go back and confront J.T. and do something about her. Unfortunately, he arrives only to discover Wheeler down there fucking the shit out of her while J.T. watches, despite Rickie and J.T. saying they weren't going to tell anybody. After this, they all promise each other never to tell anyone. J.T. never seems to leave the place, deciding he wants to fuck her 12 ways from Sunday. This includes, I kid you not, them discussing fucking the pus-oozing gunshot holes in her torso, because, hey, "it's warm."

And the movie hasn't even gotten interesting yet, folks.

Rickie eventually decides to end this and free the deadgirl by cutting her free. Unfortunately, he only gets one hand done before J.T. and Wheeler show back up. J.T. starts to rape her as per usual when she fights back and scratches his face. Rickie manages to escape unseen, though Wheeler does figure out it was him.

There's more necrophilia-esque rape. There's also a scene somewhere in here where the dog comes to attack J.T. again. It hops up onto the table over the deadgirl, and J.T. thinks he's screwed. But then deadgirl attacks the dog and bites it apart, splattering blood and guts everywhere. Anyway, there are more school interactions between Rickie, JoAnn, JoAnn's boyfriend Johnny, and Wheeler. We never find out what the hell happened between them that makes it too late for them to hook up. Anyway, Johnny and his jock friend Dwyer beat the crap out of Rickie for talking to JoAnn (he also asks her out at one point, and she's kind of a bitch in response). They also beat the crap out of Wheeler.

Wheeler decides to take this time to blurt out to Johnny and his friend that they have their "own pussy." Of course, this causes Johnny and Dwyer to force the other two to take them to see her. Mortified at first, Johnny and Dwyer want to get out of there. But J.T. and Wheeler talk them into trying it out for themselves. Dwyer fucks her while Johnny--not acquainted with her bitey-ness, decides to go for the blow job. Of course, we the viewer see it coming a mile away. When it happens, Johnny beats the crap out of her face, ugly-ing her up even more. Now, this is probably the most genius bit of writing in the entire movie. J.T. says they can't go to the police, because how would Johnny explain his injury? I can't explain it as they do in the movie, but it was actually pretty smart on J.T.'s part (disgusting, but smart).

Anyway, the next day, Johnny runs to the bathroom because his stomach is killing him. He goes to take a shit and his intestines explode out of his ass. He falls to the ground, and you realize that the deadgirl has infected him. He's just like her now (zombie). J.T. and Wheeler realize the power of the bite and decide to make a new deadgirl to rape since their current one is basically damaged goods. So they go stake out a gas station and scope out women they could take. Wheeler talks one bigger woman to check out some weed they had in the trunk. While she's peering down, he bashes her over the head. And this part is truly hilarious. She does a slow turn and stare. Then she starts bleeding a lot from the head. You think she's about to fall over... but instead, she starts cussing and kicks the living shit out of the two guys and storms away back to her car and leaves. No joke.

Of course, JoAnn decides to show up and confront the two beaten and battered guys about Johnny. They kidnap her and decide she'll be the new deadgirl. Rickie shows up and sees what's going on. The entire place is covered in Christmas lights (how did they get the power?), and JoAnn is tied up to deadgirl. Rickie has a machete and starts to cut her down, but he's interrupted. Rickie gets pissed and cuts off Wheeler's hand. Then, long story short, deadgirl gets free, attacks Wheeler and J.T., and Rickie and JoAnn run for it. The path is blocked, so they come back. Deadgirl pushes past Rickie instead of attacking him, somehow recognizing he only ever tried to help her. During this, we find out that J.T. had--at some point--stabbed JoAnn, and she was dying. J.T. offers to bite her (since he's newly infected), as it's not too late, so she can be immortal.

Then we fade away and see the deadgirl making her escape to freedom. After that, Rickie is walking around town super cheery and whatever. He then goes down into the asylum basement where we see JoAnn all dolled up in a white dress, tied to the table, clearly showing that Rickie decided to make her the new deadgirl so that he can fuck her whenever he wants. The end.

So, what did we learn from this, boys and girls? If you believe that if you came across a naked, tied down zombie girl and immediately thought "eh... I'd fuck her," then this movie is for you! Seriously, this was one bizarre, fucked up movie. I can't even get into the visual style of the film, which makes it even darker, dirtier, and more disturbing than I describe. The deadgirl herself is freaky/scary as hell (the makeup crew did well). After the first 10-15 minutes, the quality of the overall film gets better. The acting gets a bit better (though I swear J.T. goes in and out of some totally weird southern accent). The visuals are disturbing. The whole movie is just fucked up. I can't describe it any different. The first 40 minutes or so start to get very redundant and are kinda dull. But I suppose about the halfway point, the movie makes an interesting shift and starts to get at least somewhat creative. You're not sure up until that point if she's immortal or a zombie or what. I think it's a creative take on a zombie story, despite the film itself being really messed up. I suppose, at the very least, it's original? Though I'm not sure this is the film all you people bitching about not having original concepts these days were asking for.

Do I recommend this film? No. It's not a poorly made film or anything, in all honesty. But like Jason with Martyrs, I can't in good faith go around telling people they need to see this movie. So I'll leave it at this review. If you've read this and think you'd still like to check it out... please leave me your name so I know who to keep an eye on. Otherwise... enjoy? I guess? Whatever.


WTF

WTF Did I Just Watch: Tokyo Zombie.

Warning: As always, big spoilers ahoy.

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This probably won't be as negative as the last two... mostly because this wasn't as bad (or crazy) of a movie as the others. In fact, I almost didn't write it up as this. But it's just weird enough that I had to. And just like last time, it's a Japanese movie that deals with people coming back from the dead. You'd think I'd learn? But this time, it's taken from a popular manga/comic by the same name.

And let me put this movie into perspective for you. It's a zombie movie/buddy comedy/action film directed by the same guy who did Ichi the Killer. Though it couldn't be any different. In fact, there's really not a whole lot of blood (which is a shame in a zombie movie).

The movie starts out telling the audience about Black Fuji, a trash mountain where people go to dump anything, from satellite dishes to chemical waste to human bodies.

After this point, it introduces us to our main guys: Fujio (afro guy) and Mitsuo (bald guy). As stated, one of them is an Asian guy with a huge afro, and the other is bald on top (though with hair around the sides). They work in a fire extinguisher factory, but spend most of their time practicing Jiujitsu. Mitsuo is a master, though Fujio is still learning the craft.

This is when their boss comes in and starts smacking Mitsuo around for fooling around, and Fujio bashes him over the head with a fire extinguisher, killing him. Not incredibly worried, the two guys take him to Black Fuji (where else) to bury him. And there, we're set up with what would seem to be the tone of the film. There's a bossy young woman shouting orders to her boyfriend/husband to bury his mother in the dirt (she's already up to her neck). And when the mother talks too much, the young woman runs up and kicks her head like a ball, and the head flies off into the distance, the mother still screaming after the son. In other words, it's very slapstick.

The first 50 minutes of the movie (or so) is similar to this. It's like what would have happened if Stephen Chow had written and directed Shaun of the Dead (in fact, this movie has been heralded as the Japanese Shaun of the Dead... and I can kinda sorta see it... at least in this first half of the movie). Though more of the movie at this point is sentimental relationship-building between the two leads than actual zombie fighting.

And this is where the movie really gets its first strike: the zombie fights are lame. They're using jiujitsu, first of all. But it's basically coming off as punching off heads with ease, or knocking them down to the ground. And all of this in quite a light tone.

As the two start driving the Russia (because that's where all fighters go to get better), the movie introduces us to its next character, a young woman named Yoko. She has a bad attitude and doesn't really seem to like either of them. She gets a bit annoying after a while, because she never really changes or shows any emotion except annoyance or hatred. Even when she's trying to be more emotional (towards the end), it's still coming off as upset or angry.

But anyway, very soon after this, Mitsuo gets bitten, says his goodbyes (including asking Fujio to take care of Yoko), and then jumps out of their van in a very cartoonish way off a bridge and into the water below. Fujio stops the van and tries to get Yoko out to throw her into the river, too. But a man obsessed with Calpis (assuming a type of alcohol) steals their van. Long story short, they both end up in the river below.

This is where the movie gets its second strike: the entire movie changes completely. It's like two completely different movies. While the first half seemed to be Shaun of the Dead via Stephen Chow, the second half was like Land of the Dead via Ang Lee (and produced by Stephen Chow). It jumps forward 5 years where the rich have build a living complex in the middle of the city, and they use poor people as slaves. Now, if the slaves want to rise in rank and live as the rich, they have to become popular. The best way of doing so is fighting in gladiator-like battles against zombies. Of course, Fujio and Yoko are slaves, and they even have a daughter that hasn't yet to speak a word in her life (though she's like... 4). Fujio, now a Jiujitsu master, uses his skills in the arena... but it's like Brad Pitt in Snatch. He's too good and lacks the entertainment value. He'll kill the zombie in one move, and that pisses off everybody.

This part of the movie is much darker and much more serious. It has its comedic moments, but it's not nearly as light as the first half... and that's incredibly jarring. Also, the movie breaks its own rules here. Whereas in the first half, zombies were just mindless, slow creatures... this second half, they have the ability to remember any fighting abilities, assuming they were fighters in their past life. Also, just punching their heads off doesn't even exist anymore. Where it was so easy a scrawny young woman could do it at the beginning, it seems to be impossible now.

The best comedic moments come from a guy called Prince. He's the guy who first called out the zombies taking over the city, and seems to be the guy running the whole rich people complex. But he has a bit where he carries around a little doll with a removable head, and he's obsessed with decapitation. He'll constantly ask something like "Did you decapitate it? Did you decapitate it?" And after every time he asks, there's a *pop* as he removes the head from the doll. He was one of the only parts of the film that made me laugh out loud.

But of course, the end of the movie brings back Mitsuo and Fujio in the ring, as Mitsuo is apparently the "Strongest Zombie." But the weird part is when Mitsuo starts talking, and you're not sure if he's actually talking or if it's a hallucination (as we had previously been shown Fujio has when in regards to talking to Mitsuo).

But then, of course, the "Calpis" guy shows up at the complex with a band of others, raiding the place for Calpis. He blows up most of the complex to get in, and then enters the fighting arena. He brings in a gattling gun that apparently shoots out both number 1 and number 2, if you know what I mean, and fires it at all the rich, snobby women who come to see the fight as he yells at them to tell him where the Calpis is.

Fujio had 'defeated' Mitsuo and escapes with the Calpis guy, who gives him a motorcycle with a sidecar. Fujio, who had left his wife and daughter earlier, goes and picks them up. And, of course, the daughter speaks her first words at this vital moment, though it's what Yoko keeps saying throughout the majority of the movie: "Are you a fucking retard?"

They escape the complex, save the life of the fighting announcer (who is gay for Fujio), and drive off for Russia. But that's not all! The movie rewinds 5 minutes and shows Mitsuo sitting up after being defeated. Then it rewinds 5 years and shows the moment he was bitten. Apparently, he had just been bitten by dentures, so he traveled around for 5 years thinking he was a zombie. And if any real zombies attacked him, he'd just beat them down and scream at them ("I'm a zombie, too, you idiot. God, don't you even know your own kind? Zombies these days...")... and the zombie would bow in shame and shamble away. So zip forward to the present, and Mitsuo runs after Fujio. The movie pretty much ends there.

This might not sound overly weird, but it's really the intricacies of the movie that make it bizarre. There are the odd little visuals or the cartoonish sound effects. And let's not forget a couple animated interludes. This movie is incredibly hard to explain in its strangeness.

But its biggest downfall is its tone. Even in the first half, it can't really find a good tone. Sometimes it tries too hard to be slapstick, and then goes into the more serious dramedy. And, of course, the huge shift around the halfway mark (a little after it) that totally alters the entire movie in every way. The second biggest downfall is the lack of good zombie action in this zombie movie. There are plenty of zombie moments, but they weren't done nearly well enough... especially for a movie that promises zombies versus Jiujitsu.

It does have some good moments, though, so the movie isn't a complete wash, much like the other two "WTF Did I Just Watch" films (Feast 3 and Casshern). There's even a really good line in the film toward the end: "Since you have nothing, anything is possible." If I ever saw this movie on Showtime or something, I might stop to watch it for a little while (depending if anything better was on). Like I said at the beginning, the only reason I wrote it under this format is because I don't think I could have reviewed it without explaining the spoilerous details of the film as a whole.

With that being said, I certainly don't recommend you go out and see this immediately. Unless you're a super fan of zombies or are just curious as to how crazy this movie is based on this review, I wouldn't suggest bothering to see it at all, honestly. And that's about all I have.


WTF

WTF Did I Just Watch: Casshern.

Warning: This post has been rated R by the... aw, who the fuck cares. There's cussing.

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I found another movie that lands in a WTF moment for me, so I'm basically going to make this a feature review for whenever I watch a movie on TV or DVD that made me go "What The Fuck Did I Just Watch?" This time around it's a little Japanese sci-fi/action/superhero/drama... thing.

Okay, so I've read up quite a bit on this movie (I had to... I honestly had less of a clue what I just watched than I did with Feast 3). And there, I saw a lot of opinions on this film. For those that love it, they tend to fall somewhere between "It took me 3 or 4 times, but I now think it's a masterpiece" and "If you don't understanding this movie, you're a fucking moron who likes Transformers and should stick to Hollywood crap because I'm condescending and stuff." But it seemed that no matter where you fell in your thoughts of this film, whether you loathed it or thought it was the best thing since sliced bread (seriously, shouldn't there have been another 'best thing' by now?), there was one major thing that everybody agreed on:

This movie is confusing as fuck.

Let me try to explain it. It's like mixing together 300, Speed Racer, The Matrix, The Guyver, Hellboy II: The Golden Army, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, The Spirit (if it took itself incredibly seriously), Dante from the Devil May Cry video game series, and, well, a bunch of other random shit that shouldn't go together. It's a futuristic story wherein a 50-year war has just recently ended, but there's another mini-war going on. So this scientist's son goes into the war while the scientist tries to come up with this stuff that can build new limbs and organs and whatnot so to defeat death. Well, the son dies in the war. But upon coming back, a lightning bolt strikes the building and brings all the detached limbs and whatnot together, creating these undead mutant people (not zombies... just... Frankenstein-type people, but without all the scars... and who look normal). The scientist also uses it to bring his son back to life. But the liquid stuff that brings him back makes his body unstable, so a scientist friend puts him in a weapon suit that can keep him together (think a less shiny and less metalic Iron Man, but where he can't take the suit off).

But then the mutant people escape and the government starts shooting them down. But a group escapes and heads out into a forest... and then snow... and then end up at a castle from nowhere. There are only like... 4 left by then. So they suddenly gather the ability to start talking (except for one of them), lose their pasty whiteness, and look more normal. They dub themselves "neo-sapiens." Oh, and in this castle is the sleeping robot army that nearly destroyed humans during the 50-year war. So the neo-sapiens awaken them and use them to destroy humankind because, well, humans suck and shot at them and stuff.

But not if Iron Man Jr. has anything to say about it! And there's also some corporation takeovers, a bunch of kidnapping, and a crapload of other random stuff in the movie.

So in other words, the plot makes absolutely no sense, but it's some of the most gorgeous eye candy that I've seen in a long. Seriously, this movie is beyond stunning on the visuals level. It's really to the point where I hate talking bad about it because it looked so good. But eye candy does not a movie make.

But everything else about the movie is a mess. It tries to do way too much. The plot implodes on itself so often that it constantly needs a Deus Ex Machina to revive itself (and I partly mean this literally, too... I think. There's a god (sort of) AND there are machines. And by machines, I mean a giant robot army). The script needed a lot more work before coming to the screen. It could have handled a lot of things differently. It was trying to work with too many themes. It was trying to have too many little side stories. And all of the "Neo-Sapien" journey to the Castle Deus Ex Machina stuff happens too quickly. In the span of about 10-15 minutes, the Neo-Sapiens go from being born to traveling what seems halfway across the world and awakening a robot army to destroy humans because, in this limited time, they have seen how cruel humans are because they were "hunted down" and "killed" (like it had been going on for centuries or something).

There are little scenes, too, that just seem out of place or make no sense. And don't get me started on the couple random 'stop motion' moments. I can't even go into detail on this movie because too much happens while almost nothing happens simultaneously. The only reason I didn't just turn it off was because every time I thought I was about to, something dramatic or action-packed started up.

And that's another thing. The action wasn't all that hot, either. It was done in too much of a stylistic and over-the-top cartoonish way for it to be too effective. This was the only real negative aspect that came from the visual style of the film.

However, I was glad that I did stick it out, because there is (honestly) a decent twist ending. No, it doesn't make the rest of the film make a lick of fucking sense, but it does tie together a few things. But then once that happens, it's like the movie never wants to end. Nobody will stay fucking dead in this movie. I swear, each character dies at least once and refuses to stay dead. There was a moment where both the main character and the main bad guy (who looks exactly like Dante from the Devil May Cry games... hence what I said earlier) seem to have killed each other (about halfway through the movie). I was like "Oh, good, it's over... I can turn it off." But it just kept going. And the next thing I know, both of them are walking around like nothing happened. In fact, there's quite a funny moment (unintentional, I'm sure), where the main guy is on the ground, limp and dead-ish. Then the bad guy calls his name and asks him to come over for a second, so the main guy pokes up his head and hops up and strolls over. It was one of those moments where it felt like the actor just played this serious death scene, and then the scene ends and he just stands up and walks across the stage as if nothing had happened (covered in blood be damned).

And once everybody is (un)dead, there's this big lightning strike and people are transported across the universe to some new alien planet so that they can star in their very own happy home video footage where everybody is just peachy and war-free. The end.

Anyway, I don't want to ramble on too much about this movie. I can see myself falling into the group that likes it after seeing it 3-4 times, but I honestly don't care to waste that many hours (it's a, quite long, 2 hour movie) re-watching it to get to that point. Because overall, the movie is amazing to look at, but so beyond frustrating to follow plot-wise. I eventually gave up trying to understand what the fuck was ever going on and just watched it in hopes that the ending might be good (and it was, to a degree... and not just because it finally ended).

But as I said earlier, you might have the best visuals this side of Tokyo, but if you can't tell a story worth a damn, they won't help you. And this movie doesn't know how to tell a story very well.


WTF

(P.S. When I mentioned Speed Racer earlier, I meant it both in visual style and literally. There are a few close-ups to a Speed Racer-like helmet that acts as an homage to the original creator of the anime this movie was based on, who was the same guy who created Speed Racer... if I got my research right, anyway).

What The F@#% Did I Just Watch?

Please allow me to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this special news bulletin:


I just finished watching Feast 3: The Happy Finish. Feast was a masterpiece of horror/comedy. I wanted to like Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds, and I might have even given it a decent review, but in hindsight... no, it was pretty bad. But none of that could have prepared me for what I could expect in Feast 3.



Spoiler warning now, because I'm not gonna hold back (though I encourage you to read anyway and not waste your time with the actual film... plus, it might be more entertaining this way).



So the movie picks up right where the second left off. Honey Pie goes to stand up after being kinda killed... and then gets attacked by a monster. Her head gets ripped off. Then the monster eats her head. Then you see the camera go down the internal tubing. And then, I kid you not, the movie takes about 30 seconds to show the monster crap out her head.

Then we pick back up where the other characters left off. The guy who got a pipe blown through his lower jaw and into his brain is still alive, as is the Mexican wrestling midget who was inside a trashcan with dynamite when it exploded. They run and stuff until they break into the jail where they tried to get into the last movie and then beat the shit out of the hobo that had locked himself inside (literally... they beat him until he shits himself. And yes, one of the characters does make that joke in the movie).

So a bunch of other completely irrelevant stuff happens for another 20-30 minutes until one of the monsters butt-rapes a character through a hole in a shed... who immediately gets pregnant with a little monster and explodes.

Not long after that, they get stuck in a bus when a mentally handicapped guy in a cult-cloak that makes him look like he's late for a Dungeons and Dragons session shows up and apparently has some kind of control over the monsters (which you soon figure out how on your own in an incredibly easy fashion... though the other characters are morons and don't figure it out until later). The up side of this is that the guy is played by comedian Josh Blue (he was the comedian with multiple sclerosis from Last Comic Standing).

So Josh Blue takes them into the sewers where a character farts. Then, not too long after that, a sexy, topless, lesbian biker chick is killed by a crazy woman and her posse who are apparently cannibalistic and blood-crazy because a monster puked on them (which is NOT what happened in the first film). But then a young guy hops down out of nowhere and goes all karate on them with knives on his wrists, killing the attackers. He's Jean-Claude Seagal (no... seriously). But he eventually gets both his arms ripped off (which leads to the only good line in the movie, delivered by Bartender, the only character from the first movie left: "You don't need arms to kick ass.").

During their time in the sewer, they come upon a random zombie rave including strobe light and have a bizarrely confusing (though kind of interesting) fight scene where you have no idea what's going on, but it looks cool. To me, that was the only good part of the film... and it wasn't even that good. Oh, and another part where somebody puts a bullet inside the pipe that sticking out of the one guy's head and hits the pipe with a hammer, which causes it to react like a gun and shoot out the opposite end.

Eventually, the majority of the cast dies, and they get up to the street again in a bigger city and find a dirt bike. One of the dying characters takes a pretty much dead monster on the bike with her and rides off into the streets to distract the other monsters so the last remaining 3 can survive or something.

So the three, including Clu Gulager's character Bartender (who is at least in his 80s), walk out into the street. So then out of nowhere, Bartender is like "We need to repopulate the Earth! We need to do it now!" and he rips off his shirt. But then a giant robot leg comes out of nowhere and steps on the other two survivors, crushing him. Bartender walks away, and a Mexican mariachi dressed like Elvis walks on screen and serenades the audience during the credits by summarizing the last 3 movies.

Yeah, I didn't make any of that last part up. I swear. I've never stared, speechless, mouth agape, at a screen like that before, asking myself "what the fuck did I just watch?" over and over in my head. And I'm still not sure.

My advice? Stick to the first Feast. It's a cult classic. The next two (which are, amazingly, made by the exact same writers and director) are... well, something else entirely.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.


WTF