V.G. Movies #15: Resident Evil.

[Welcome back to the Evolution of Video Game Movies series. Every week, I will be moving forward through time, starting with the earliest and ending with the most recent of video game movies. I will be detailing the histories of the games and how the films came about, and both my and fan reaction to the adaptations. Practically all of my background information is either common knowledge or from Wikipedia. So without further ado, let's move on to the next film on the list.]

THE HISTORY

One of the first of its genre, Resident Evil basically founded the "survival horror" genre of gaming. Debuting on the Playstation in 1996, RE was a total success. The game was originally called Bio Hazard in Japan, but due to some copyright issues, the name was changed in America. Capcom (the game company) held a contest with its employees to come up with a new title, and Resident Evil was born ("Resident" due to the fact the game took place in a mansion... get it?).

The basic idea of the original game is pretty simple. Raccoon City has been facing some strange issues lately, particularly with murder and cannibalism. So the police force sends their Special Tactics And Rescue Service (S.T.A.R.S.) team to investigate. But when the first "bravo" team disappears, the Alpha team is sent in to investigate. After a vicious dog attack, the team is forced to take refuge within a nearby abandoned mansion. The remaining Alpha team consists of Barry, Chris, Jill, and Wesker (three of which are major and popular characters for the remainder of the series). You quickly discover that all sorts of creatures and monsters (including zombies) are all over the place, thanks to some biochemical testing funded by the Umbrella Corporation--with a chemical known as the T-Virus. You also discover medical labs underground, a monster called the Tyrant, and that Wesker is a double agent for Umbrella (and he becomes one of the primary villains of the series, no matter how many times he's killed).

Eventually some sequels came out, introducing the world to other popular characters and storylines--but I'll get to some of those later. As for now, all you need to know is that the games were popular enough to warrant a film adaptation. And who had his name attached to it? None other than the director of Mortal Kombat, the only real moderately successful video game adaptation thus far. Yeah, it's Paul W.S. Anderson.

But what happens when you remove every character from the games and only keep in the idea of a mansion, zombies, a few key monsters, and, of course, the Umbrella Corporation? A movie that doesn't resemble the games whatsoever--yet managed to spawn one of the most successful video game movie franchises of all time (the only one, thus far, where each film has made more money than its predecessor). But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, let's take a look and see how well (if at all) this first film works.

THE FILM

This is a film that splits people, especially fans of the game. I never really got into the games, but I can appreciate its story and characters. And really, when adaptations take nothing but a title and a few namesakes from the source material, I can agree that it's bothersome. But is Resident Evil an exception to that rule? After a computer system called the Red Queen (Michaela Dicker) kills everyone inside the Umbrella Corporation's underground "Hive," a special military unit owned by Umbrella is sent in to see what went wrong. This team includes One (Colin Salmon), Rain (Michelle Rodriguez), Kaplan (Martin Krewes), and a few others. They also happen to run into Alice (Milla Jovovich), a young woman with amnesia who woke up in the mansion that resides over the Hive. They also find a couple men--Matt (Eric Mabius), who claims he's a cop, and Spence (James Purefoy), who seems to have a connection to Alice. And, of course, they eventually discover that the T-Virus had been released within the compound and now there are a bunch of zombies and a monster roaming about.

Despite having practically zero connection to the games, I'd say this is still a fairly decent flick. The majority of the movie, particularly the first 30-40 or so minutes, has a lot of great atmosphere. It sets up a creepy, mysterious vibe that raises the tension slowly, building to the big moment where the zombies finally show up. There are also a number of memorable moments in this portion of the film, including the laser room. Everything is set up nicely with a good mystery, decent characters, and a nice overall vibe.

The next portion of the movie isn't all that bad, either. This would be the non-stop action part of the film. You have zombies (of both human and dog variety), guns blazing, blood dripping, music blaring, and hearts pounding. It has some good suspense and decent thrills, even if moments such as the mid-air dog kick set up Alice to evolve into a character who would nearly ruin the film series. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Where I feel the film stumbles is in its third act. You discover the twist to the story... what really happened behind the scenes and how a number of the characters are connected. Some motives are a bit shaky, and some of it feels a bit contrived. Then you have the "big bad" of this film--the Licker. The CGI for this creature leaves you a bit wanting, and it feels maybe only a sole generation better than the CGI Reptile in Mortal Kombat. Fortunately, you don't have to see it for very long. The acting gets a little wonky here, as well. And up until this point, the film could have easily played as a prequel to the original game. But then the scientists come in and you have the double ending that sets up two things in the inevitable sequel. You have Matt (spoilers!) becoming Nemesis, and then you have Alice waking up in the abandoned Raccoon City cocking her gun (very Super Mario Bros.-esque). Despite the cool factor, it's at this point you realize that any sequels are not going to be straight adaptation of the games.

On the whole, it's really not that bad of a flick. In the world of video game adaptations, I'd actually say it's kind of underrated, bogged down by what its sequels became (similar to, say, the Saw series--though at least that series managed to have a functional continuity and didn't have to retcon itself all the time). But again, I'm getting off topic. Its soundtrack, produced in part by Marilyn Manson, is very fitting and well done. If you want to see your favorite characters in these films, watch the sequels (...if you must), but this one works as an original story based in the same world as the games. Could it have been better? Definitely. But for what it is, it's fine.


I Am McLovin!

MACHETE.

We all know the story. Robert Rodriguez made the fake Machete trailer for Grindhouse, it because a cult sensation, and he eventually decided to turn it into a full-length feature. This is that feature. But did it live up to expectations? Machete (Danny Trejo) is a Mexican Federale whose family is killed by a drug lord named Torrez (Steven Seagal). He survives, but enters the U.S. illegally. Eventually, he is hired by Booth (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate Senator McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro), who is rerunning for office under the platform of sending all illegal immigrants back to Mexico and building a giant fence. Unfortunately, it was just a ruse, and they try to set up and kill Machete for their own gain. Again, Machete lives, but this time, he's out for vengeance. Along the way, he teams up with a taco stand/revolutionary named Luz (Michelle Rodriguez); a federal immigration agent named Sartana (Jessica Alba); and his priest brother, Padr (Cheech Marin). Also in the mix are Booth's wife June (Alicia Marek) and daughter April (Lindsey Lohan), as well as a professional hit man named Osiris (Tom Savini).

This movie is almost too complicated, which I think is one of its biggest issues. It tries to do too much. Sure, it has one hell of a cast, but it sometimes feels bloated. It also tends to be almost too preachy at times, particularly in the first half of the movie. Also, though this was rare, it took itself a bit too seriously at times. These were almost always moments of non-action, though... and, again, mostly in the first half of the film.

Besides that, my only other complaint is that sometimes there wasn't enough action. Either there would be long stretches with no major action, or there would be an action scene where it was filmed at awkward angles and you didn't get to see it particularly well (the showdown between Trejo and Seagal is the worst offender of this).

However, the action you do get and do see is flippin' fantastic. Let's just say there was a lot of cheering, clapping, and laughing throughout this movie in my audience. It's hilarious, bloody, over-the-top, and super fun. You could tell the filmmakers had fun with it. Of note are the opening scene and the hospital escape scene.

There's a decent amount of nudity in the film, as well. And while I think that too much nudity in a movie can ruin it, I actually think this movie could have benefited from having a little more. Unfortunately (for you guys and/or lesbians out there), you don't see Jessica Alba nude. She has a shower sequence, but she's standing in just the right position where you see absolutely nothing. And the one time you see Lindsey Lohan's character topless, I don't think it's actually her, as her face is always hidden... and every time you do see her face clearly, her breasts are always covered somehow. And I find this strange, considering she's done nude photo-shoots and whatnot. But anyway...

I know this seems like a lot of complaining, but the movie was really entertaining. It wasn't perfect, but all the fake trailer scenes (from my knowledge) are in the film. If they would have shortened it slightly or exchanged some of the unnecessary dramatic scenes for more exploitation scenes, it would have been even better. As it stands, it's a great action flick with some really fun comedy and lots of blood and boobs.


A Keanu 'Whoa'

A Week Of Uwe Boll #4: BloodRayne.

Travis is probably gonna hate me for this one. Let me start off by saying out of all the Uwe Boll movies I had up to watch, BloodRayne was my most anticipated. Why? For a couple reasons. First, it's considered by many to be up there with Alone in the Dark as one of Boll's absolute worst films, and I couldn't wait to see this for myself. Second, I remember when it came out in theater and when the trailers first came out; I remember how fake it looked, and I often said that a Sci-Fi Channel Original looked more convincing. Combine that with a completely bizarre cast and a scene where you get to see Kristanna Loken's boobs, and I was in. And no, I've never played the video games the movie is based on.

The movie is about a Dhampir (where the P is pronounced like an F)--a half human/half vampire--named Rayne (Kristanna Loken). Many years ago, her vampire father, Kagan (Ben Kingsley), raped and murdered her mother. Ever since, she's been out for revenge. Then we also have the members of a vampire-killing society--Vladimir (Michael Madsen), Sebastian (Matt Davis), and Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez). Katarin's father, Elrich (Billy Zane), was in charge of this society... that is, until he became a vampire himself. Anyway, this society protects powerful objects/body parts that can make any vampire super powerful, and--of course--Kagan is after them. But Rayne will get these objects herself if it means finding a way to get to Kagan and kill him.

The movie's story is all over the place. Half the crap in this movie doesn't make sense, and that's being generous. Hell, Billy Zane's character ends up having absolutely no point. He's in maybe 3 scenes which go absolutely nowhere, and then he's never heard from again. It wasn't necessarily confusing as it was just laughably bad. There's even a sex scene that comes out of nowhere, which is the infamous scene where we get to see Kristanna Loken topless. And then it's never mentioned again.

The acting is atrocious, as well. The majority of the cast is incredibly out of place. Ben Kingsley doesn't even phone it in; Hell, he doesn't even sleepwalk through it. He gives us what is probably the most boring villain in any vampire story, not to mention one of the laziest performances of his career. Michael Madsen is obscenely out of place, and his pauses in between his monotone speech makes William Shatner look like Alan Rickman (oh yeah, I went there). As for Michelle Rodriguez, let's just say I pull off a more convincing British accent than she does, not to mention I can keep it going longer. Half the time she talks normal. Kristanna Loken is guilty of the same, but it was more noticeable with Miss Rodriguez. I mean, Jesus, when Billy Zane gives the best performance in your movie... though I should have realized this when the opening credits actually said "With Special Appearance By Billy Zane." Yeah. Billy Zane actually gets the "special appearance" tag for this movie. That tells ya something.

I never find reason to talk about props and costumes in movies. If you're a regular reader of mine, you'll know that. But I have to comment here. The costumes, primarily the wigs, are so bad they're ridiculous. From Ben Kingsley's to Meatloaf's (yes, Meatloaf is in this movie. You know what they say, some Meatloaf Aday keeps the doctor away... or something like that). And the weapons? Never have I seen duller swords. My Sword of Gryffindor (don't be jealous) could do more damage than Rayne's arm swords. And Ms. Loken moves so slowly with them, she gives you plenty of time to take it all in.

This leads in to the action. This movie was a gore fest. Granted, the blood was incredibly fake, as were any damaged body parts (sliced limbs, bashed heads, cut torsos, etc.). The camera stayed on them long enough that you could tell how fake they were. And the bright fake blood didn't help. There's actually one scene that's pretty funny when there are a bunch of guys beating a ripped open corpse with their swords, but they're doing it so slowly and with such bored looks on their faces. It's like they were trying out for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World. Just going through the motions. But besides the gore, the action wasn't half bad. Sure, it was slow and not very fluid, as if the actors were too scared to play with their fake weapons, but it was still entertaining.

On top of all this, the script is terrible. Now, to his credit, Uwe Boll didn't write it. A woman named Guinevere Turner did. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the same Guinevere Turner who was partially responsible for the screenplay of American Psycho. And it. is. bad. The conversations are jilted, mainly for 2 different reasons. First, everything is expository. There is no character building conversations. Every single sentence has to to with moving along the plot, even to the point where transitions in scenes make no sense and are forced. The second reason is that there are absolutely no contractions. This movie is apostrophe-phobic, I guess, because every little syllable of every word must be said. And as I said earlier, the story makes no sense part of the time, giving us unnecessary moments of story (Billy Zane's character... or Meatloaf's character).

All of this being said, I have to say that I actually enjoyed the movie. Some will say it's painfully boring. Some will say it's just bad. And some say it's a total rape of the video game. But I haven't played the video game, and I think this movie is actually so bad it's good. With bad acting reading the words from a bad script with actors wearing bad wigs and doing bad action scenes with overtly fake gore, all to further a plot that nobody really cares about? It's just so bad it's hilarious. And yes, I did laugh at points from the badness. And the reason I think I enjoyed BloodRayne more than some of Uwe Boll's other works thus far, such as Postal or Far Cry, is because of its consistency. Postal actually has some truly good moments in it, so its inconsistency to be either good or bad made it hard to watch. Far Cry just tried too hard; it had good ideas, but a really poor execution. BloodRayne is just bad all around, a bad that is so bad you're not sure that it wasn't made like this on purpose. Even the cinematography is bad, which is why I had the initial thought from the trailers that it came off as a really bad Sci-Fi Channel Original. So what did I think of at the end? That I was wrong. I actually think it would have made a pretty decent Sci-Fi Channel Original, though it was still at that quality and did not deserve the theater run. The only reason it did was the star power, I'm sure.

If there was anything I didn't like about the movie, even in a so bad it's good kinda way, it was the ending. There's about a 2-3 minute flashback montage of a bunch of bloody/violent acts that occurred throughout the rest of the movie (some of it in slow motion), just in case you had tried to forget it by this point. And it is a bloody montage, indeed. Still, it serves absolutely no purpose other than to confuse, which it did. But that was just a minor quibble in an otherwise super-campy, super-bad, so-bad-its-good vampire flick.

When it comes to these types of movies, I hate giving them ratings, because there are two levels to it. There's the actual movie score and the "how I perceived it" score, and I really don't like doing more than one score per movie. So I'm gonna go ahead and invent a brand new score, premiering today (actually, there are 2 new scores. The second I'll hardly ever have to use, but I have had to score a handful of movies with that rating in the past, so I figured it might as well get a picture). Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... the "Hot Mess" rating:


A Hot Mess

(P.S. Both new ratings can be found in the sidebar "Ratings" section.)

AVATAR.

I really don't know what to say. I'm still in a bit of awe from the film. I suppose you could say I was marginally taken in by the hype, but not even close to fully. I do enjoy James Cameron films. But I wasn't sure what to make of this movie by the trailer. But I suppose my lesson was learned: Don't try to decide what to feel about the movie by the trailer alone. You just have to see it to believe it, I guess.

Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) is an ex-marine and current paraplegic. His twin brother was involved with the Avatar program, a program in which people link up to a hybrid lifeform that looks like the Na'Vi, the humanoid natives of the planet Pandora. On Pandora is a mineral substance that is worth a lot of money. The Avatar folks, led by Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver), want to try a peaceful way to get the Na'Vi to relocate from the Hometree, which just so happens to be the largest deposit of the mineral. But the military folks, led by Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang), have more violent measures in mind. But when Jake's avatar gets involved with the natives on a personal level, the colonel takes it upon himself to enlist Jake to give him secret intel. But Jake, who is quickly learning the lifestyles and rituals of the Na'Vi, primarily from a female named Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), begins to realize that the side he's working for might not be the right one.

To get the negatives out of the way first, I'll begin with the story. There really isn't one. That mineral stuff is really only mentioned by name once and only shown twice (that I remember). It's not really discussed at any great length. There are hints that Earth is a dying planet, but the idea isn't really explored, either. Two things really come about due to the lack of story: 1) certain character developments (such as the Norm character, who feels like he had some deleted scenes that altered his character in spots) and 2) the entirety of the second act comes off as one giant montage. In other words, the movie has your basic "Guy Infiltrates Enemy, Guy Discovers Enemy Is Good And His Team Is Enemy, Enemy Finds Out About Guy And Shuns, Guy Finds Way To Prove Self, Guy Fights With Opposing Team" story and doesn't go much deeper than that.

But it doesn't have to. What the movie lacks in story, it makes up with... well, everything else. I can't even say enough about the visuals. You really get nothing from the trailer. You can tell there's gonna be eye candy, but until you're sitting in a dark theater and seeing the full movie in its 3D glory (and you must see it in 3D... otherwise, there's probably no point), you have no idea. Every little detail is gorgeous.

And the movie is so damn imaginative it makes me weep with envy. This is really one of those stories that makes me go "I wish I had thought of that..." And not just about the Avatar thing. That's hardly even the tip of the iceberg. There's a whole new mythos created for this film. The plant life, the animals, the religion, the landscape, and even the way of life--the detail and thought put into this new planet and this new species is breathtaking and rich.

The acting is great, as well. Stephen Lang would make R. Lee Ermey proud with his portrayal of a douchebag military officer. It's funny to see the two completely opposite sides of Stephen Lang--first a more comedic and/or whimsical character in The Men Who Stare At Goats, and now this. Also in the movie are Michelle Rodriguez and Giovanni Ribisi, who do well with the little screen time they're given. But I really wanna throw it up for Zoe Saldana, who portrayed the emotions of this alien being so beautifully. Though I kinda found it funny how her character was conflicted with Eve Syndrome (no matter what was going on, the leaves always covered her 'parts'. I swear, she could be swinging upside down in high gusting winds, and the leaves would always stay perfectly positioned around her breasts). I don't know, I think that was more distracting than it would have been having random bits of nudity. Or maybe we've already met the year's quota on blue genitalia with Watchmen.

Anywho, on that note, I suppose I'll wrap this up. The movie's only real negative is its lack of story... which doesn't even feel like an issue until about halfway through. The movie is nearly 3 hours long, and when you have a nearly 3-hour movie with little story, you start to feel it after a while. But luckily the visuals are there to keep you going. And the characters do get you invested. You root for the Na'Vi, even though the movie is mostly predictable. So go out and see it, definitely. But see it in 3D, or else you're completely missing out. I'm not even going to dock my final score for the story issue, either. The movie was so pure imagination and fun that I'm gonna give it my highest.


Royale With Cheese

FAST & FURIOUS.

Alright, so I’m gonna start off by getting the ‘bad audience’ bit out of my system. It was sold out, which I haven’t been to a sold out movie in ages. I was packed in like a sardine, and the dude next to me really liked his elbow space. Like, you know, over the arm rest and into my ribs. Then the jackasses behind us (I swear it was the entire row) kept making stupid jokes half the time. And they weren’t even whispered or just mumbled among themselves. These were called out loud for all to hear. And they weren’t really remotely funny. Just a bunch of douches who thought they were being cute. Then there was somebody at the far back of the theater who really had a thing for his laser pen. Throw in a couple instances of screaming children, too. And finally, what is a packed theater experience without at least two people sitting far ahead of you texting the entire time, shining the light of death for all the theater to see?

And I’m sure if you’ve been keeping tabs (I doubt it), you’ll have realized that usually, when I have a bad or annoying theater experience, I usually have a pretty bad review to follow it.

Not this time.

No, not even all of that mess could have taken away the great fun that Fast & Furious gave. For those fans of the series, this installment takes place after the second film, but before Tokyo Drift, about five years after the original film. Dom (Vin Diesel) and his girlfriend Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) are living in the Dominican Republic, stealing gas to sell on the street… but from currently moving envoys, of course. But after a terrible occurrence, Dom is forced back into America where he eventually meets back up with his sister Mia (Jordana Brewster) and the newly reinstated FBI agent Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker). Together, though for completely different reasons, they must infiltrate a drug cartel. Lots of stuff happens from there.

The movie starts off with a bang, though we’ve seen a lot of it in the trailers. It’s the scene with the big tanker truck that Dom and Letty attempt to highjack, which turns out a bit more… explosively than originally planned. There’s also a nice tie-in to Tokyo Drift during this segment with one of the aforementioned movie’s main characters, showing how Dom knew him (as mentioned at the end of said movie in Vin’s brief cameo). And from there, the action continues on, switching over to yet another scene we know from the trailers—O’Conner chasing down a man through the streets for information. So straight off, our adrenaline is already pumping like crazy.

And the movie has its quiet moments, but usually just to set up the plot of the action sequence to come. Though there are some character development scenes sprinkled in, as well. But for the most part, the movie is just a ton of action. And the action is gloriously splendid. They really amped it up, from busy-street racing to underground-tunnel racing. Not all of the action is car-oriented, of course, but the majority of it is. And if you’re going in for the racing action (and you know you are), you’ll be more than satisfied.

If I had any complaints, it would be that Jordana Brewster’s Mia was hardly in the movie, and she could have used a much bigger role, especially considering the rift in the relationships caused by the events of the first film. So by the time anything is really settled between Mia and Brian, it’s slightly hard to take because of her lack of screen time and re-connection with Brian. My other complaint would be that I got confused with what was going on a couple of times, but that could have just been the fault of the distractions due to a bad audience.

There’s really not a whole hell of a lot to say about this film. You’re not going for a masterpiece of acting. You’re not going for a masterpiece of plot. It has a decent story with some average action movie acting, but some really awesome action and some pretty funny moments, too. I might dare say it’s as good as if not better than the original. The only thing the original might have over this one is more character development and/or interaction. But on the whole, this one was pretty damn good.

A Keanu 'Whoa'