Summer of the Unexpected.

It’s been about a month and a half or so since the summer movie season has officially kicked off (with Iron Man), and it’s been a weird summer experience thus far. Movies that were expected to be bad or mediocre at best turned out to be good or the best, while movies that were expected to be good or the best have turned out not so great. And I’m not just talking about box office revenue or critic appraisal or denouncement, but average reception.

For instance, Iron Man didn’t have a whole lot of hype around it before it was released, and it turned out to be the biggest and best movie of the summer so far. Similarly, Speed Racer, while it was a flop at the box office and had a bad reception from professional critics, was mostly loved by the people who actually decided to go see it. On the other side of the spectrum, Narnia: Prince Caspian and Indiana Jones 4 were two sequels that were widely anticipated, and both turned out to be relatively average at best (the latter moreso hated than loved). More recently, Kung Fu Panda was a hit, Zohan was average, The Strangers wasn't scary, and The Happening—which had so much potential—is widely loathed. And now The Incredible Hulk, which had received flak simply because of the 2003 version and was all but ignored by bloggers everywhere, turned out to be just as good as if not better than (but at least compared to the success of) Iron Man.

So what does this say for the rest of summer? Is this a foreshadowing of events that means the movies that look great won’t be, or the movies that look awful will be great? If this is the case, then that means the following:

(Edit: Because more than one person has seemed to not get the joke of this post... the following list is actually the OPPOSITE of what my current feelings are for the movies... because, as mentioned before this point, every other movie has done opposite of what I have expected... so without further ado:)

-Get Smart won’t be funny at all.

-The Love Guru will be the next Austin Powers (oh wait...)

-Wall*E will bore kids and will be terrible.

-Wanted will be boring.

-Hancock will be truly disliked.

-Hellboy II will be one of Guillermo Del Toro’s worst movies.

-The Dark Knight will be like Spider-Man 3 (a lot of money, but widely disliked).

-Step Brothers will actually be funny.

-The X-Files is actually going to have an audience.

-The Mummy 3 will be the best in the series.

-Pineapple Express will be the worst Judd Apatow movie.

-Star Wars: The Clone Wars is going to set Box Office records.

-Tropic Thunder will flop, regardless of Robert Downey Jr.’s recent Iron Man success.

I mean, I’m hoping this is all false, because I’m looking forward to at least half of these films. But the way summer has been panning out recently, regardless of the money paid or the professional critic hatred, movies have been seemingly the opposite of what has been anticipated. So what are your thoughts? Leave me a comment or two, let’s have a discussion!

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN.

To come out and say it straight up… this movie was very hit-and-miss. Zohan (Adam Sandler) is an Israeli counter-terrorist and overall lady’s man. In fact, he’s the best there is. But Zohan dreams of a better life, away from all the violence, in America to be a hairdresser. So after faking his death in a battle against The Phantom (John Turturro), Zohan travels to America, shaves his beard, cuts his hair, and continually tries (and fails) to get a job. He ends up meeting Michael (Nick Swardson), a basic loser who lives at home with his mom, and gets a place to stay. He also eventually, and reluctantly, takes up a job at a Palestinian hair salon as a hair sweeper. But when his boss Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui) finally gives him a shot, the place becomes a regular hot spot. Unfortunately, a big business guy, Walbridge (Michael Buffer), is trying to buy out all the small Middle Eastern businesses in order to build a big mall in their place. And, also, cab driver and terrorist Salim (Rob Schneider) recognizes the Zohan immediately from the day the Zohan stole his goat. Craziness ensues.

As I said, the movie was hit-and-miss. It was the same jokes over and over and over again: penis, hummus, penis, hummus, penis, penis, hummus, penis, Mariah Carey, penis, penis, hummus, hackey sack, electronics store, penis, penis, hummus, hummus, penis, Mariah Carey, penis, and finally, spurting hummus out as a metaphor of an orgasmic penis… you get the point. It was typically the jokes in between all the repeated ones that were the funniest (probably because it was a break in the repetition). The over-the-top action wasn’t as bad or annoying as I thought it would be. It worked pretty well, though there were moments where it tried too hard (like the ping pong grenade toward the beginning).

Nick Swardson really had some of the funnier parts of the movie (pretty much like any movie he’s in… like Click or The Benchwarmers), and he was really underused in it. But there are some pretty good cameos in the movie, as well, though I won’t spoil who. Though some were better than others. And the parts that were funny were pretty funny; they were just kinda few and far between.

On the visual side, this movie had quite a bit of male nudity (mostly Sandler’s backside, though I figure it was a stand-in). However, there was no female nudity. I take that back: there was female nudity, but not the kind the audience deserved. Though the actress who played Dalia really was rather hot.

The biggest problem with the movie was that it had way too much going on. There were too many plots. There was the hairdresser plot, the terrorist plot, the Phantom plot, the business-buy-out plot, etc. There was just too much going on and crammed into this movie, even if it was almost two hours long. And the climax of the movie was damn near anti-climactic and cop-out, while the ending of the actual movie nearly made me wonder why I had sat through the movie, as one of its biggest plots was rendered pointless (and almost hypocritical). And not to mention that about halfway into the movie, the hairdresser thing just kinda… goes away. You spend the first full half of the movie watching Zohan leave his old life, come to America, try to get a job, finally get a job, start to succeed at his job… and then it just stops. It’s exchanged for a romantic subplot with Dalia that comes out of nowhere.

All that aside, though, the movie did have some really funny moments. It wasn’t horrible by any means, but it wasn’t the best comedy I’ve ever seen, either. I’d say it was relatively average.

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.

Pre-Emptive Strike Thursdays.

Otherwise known as P.E.S.T. This is a new feature I've been thinking about trying out. What it basically does is review movies before I've seen them and/or before they're released by giving my opinions and scores on how I think it'll be. Then, after I've seen the movie, I can compare and contrast my original thoughts with my thoughts after having actually seen it. Hence the title, Pre-Emptive Strike Thursdays. Though if a movie decides to come out on a Wednesday or Thursday instead, I'll hold PEST on Tuesday... and it'll still be PEST. So for now, here are my pre-thoughts on the big movies coming out this week.


Title: You Don't Mess With The Zohan.

Pre-Thoughts: I think that while the whole hair dresser thing is a bit silly, the goofball action/comedy might be fun. Though it does look a bit too over the top and unrealistic (and that's a bit of an understatement). I'm not super excited about the movie, but I'll probably be checking it out.

Pre-Score:

I Am McLovin!


Title: Kung Fu Panda.

Pre-Thoughts: Jack Black silliness in animation... I think it could be fun, but I'm not sure yet. It seems like it'll be highly formulaic, cheesy, and will probably have a lot of fart/juvenile jokes or something (he sits on the tiger's face in slow motion just in the trailer...). I think it'll be a lot like Mulan... but without the musical aspect... and centering around the Eddie Murphy dragon instead of Mulan herself. Plus, I think 'ska-doosh' says it all.

Pre-Score:

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.