50/50 Review #34: The Devil's Backbone.

This is one I've been wanting to see for years, particularly after Pan's Labyrinth. But was it worth the wait? The film takes place during the Spanish Civil War, as an orphan named Carlos (Fernando Tielve) is dropped off at a poor orphanage run by Carmen (Marisa Paredes) and Dr. Casares (Federico Luppi). He immediately makes an enemy in another boy, Jaime (Inigo Garces), who bullies him. Oh, and there's a ghost boy named Santi (Junio Valverde) who walks the orphanage at night while a caretaker named Jacinto (Eduardo Noriega) continually attempts to break into a safe and steal gold.

This is a film about characters. Of course I really liked the relationship between Dr. Casares and Carlos, and they share some really great scenes... including what I like to call the "baby rum" scene. I also had a similar reaction to this as I did with a completely unrelated film--Attack the Block. I was initially so put off by the character of Jaime and how terrible he is that I found it hard to get into the movie. But by the end, I realized that somewhere along the way, I had grown to really sympathize with him and feel bad for him. And I give a lot of respect to writers who can pull that kind of thing off. And he does have great taste in women, as Irene Visedo (who plays Jacinto's significant other), is quite the looker.

There is a lot going on in this movie, but with del Toro at the helm, it's all handled very well. If I had a complaint, it was that things did tend to get confusing to me at times, and I had to look up some plot points before going "ohh, so that's what's going on." Besides that, though, is the main reason I didn't really like this movie... let's see how well I can put this. Pan's Labyrinth, which I love, is a film that is basically a fantasy/fairy tale that just so happens to have the Spanish Civil War happening in the background. My least favorite part of that movie is all the war stuff, including the rebels subplot. This film is a Spanish Civil War movie that just so happens to have a ghost story involved. I loved the ghost story, but the war stuff just doesn't interest me. And unfortunately, that's what drives the bulk of this movie--not the ghost stuff.

But despite my disinterest in a chunk of the story, I absolutely do not deny the skill behind this film. The direction, the aesthetic, the atmosphere... everything about this film is done incredibly well. Even the CGI of the ghost and/or stuff accompanying the ghost looks damn good, especially for 2001. I also really liked the end with the kids banding together and how everything ended up going down. I just wish I could have loved more of the film as a whole. It's good. I liked it. But I think I might have wanted a little something different from it for me personally to really, really dig it.


I Am McLovin!

(P.S. Of course, as usual, the rating is based on my entertainment level, not the level of how good or bad the actual film is.)

MonthWatch - August 2012.

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V.G. Movies #34: Resident Evil: Degeneration.

[Welcome back to the Evolution of Video Game Movies series. Every week, I will be moving forward through time, starting with the earliest and ending with the most recent of video game movies. I will be detailing the histories of the games and how the films came about, and both my and fan reaction to the adaptations. Practically all of my background information is either common knowledge or from Wikipedia. So without further ado, let's move on to the next film on the list.]

THE HISTORY

Despite the existence of the live-action films, Capcom--the game company who makes the series--decided to make their own film version. But instead of tying it in to the live-action film series, they naturally put it within the continuity of the games. The film takes place between Resident Evil 4 and 5.

THE FILM

This is going to be short, mainly because I'm mostly recycling from a 3-year-old short review. I didn't want to watch this again. The basic plot of this is that Claire Redfield is at an airport to meet a family she was there to help when there's a zombie outbreak. They end up calling for help, and a special team comes to their aid, including member Leon S. Kennedy. And, of course, they discover a much bigger conspiracy while they're there.

The CGI animation was terrible and distracting (I’ve really seen better CGI in video games), especially Claire’s face. The voice acting was awful. The dubbing itself was way off the mark (again, distracting). The dialogue was overly melodramatic and cheesy. For being one of the fan-favorite characters, Leon has the personality of cardboard (or Hayden Christensen… not much of a difference). The Tyrant looked like bad Claymation. For a zombie/monster movie, there was very little blood. Hell, TV’s CSI has more blood. While it did share the atmosphere of the games, even the action was mostly boring (with a couple exceptions). The whole movie as a whole was rather boring. And if you’re not a hardcore fan of the games, you’d probably get completely lost by the story. Finally, where the hell did that woman’s boobs come from at the end? All of a sudden, she has a D-Cup. It was so random. Anyway, it was just awful/terrible/awfully terrible/terribly awful all around. There were only a couple scenes that made it remotely interesting or entertaining, and those didn’t last very long.


The Zed Word

(P.S. And I'm being generous with that (rather ironic) rating.)

The Vlog: Season 5, Episode 3 (Get A Clue - Part 1).

Here's the next episode! What genre could possibly be next? I'll give you hint... I make an "Edward G. Robinson" reference AND an M reference in this episode. Take a gander! And leave some comments!

The Demented Podcast #45 - My Brain Has Exploded Five Times.

IMPORTANT NOTE: From this point on, we will be releasing the rest of the season on a weekly basis (at least until further notice). Otherwise we wouldn't be able to wrap everything up until like... December, and we already have almost the entire season wrapped at this point. So make sure you get your listening and comments in on time before the episode disappears!

Anyway, sorry for the big delay. Podomatic was having issues again. But here is the next episode. We were joined (over a month ago) by Dan Heaton of Public Transportation Snob to discuss Post-Apocalyptic films Delicatessen and Southland Tales. They're two very strange movies, but we had fun talking about them. And then we move on to The Tower. Will this former Battle Royale Champion do well... or fall early? Listen to find out!

Due to Podomatic bandwidth issues, I will no longer be placing the podcast player on the site (and ask that nobody else links directly to it, either). But you can easily listen and subscribe through iTunes!

Current Tower Leaderboard

1) Dylan - 167 Points

2) Tom - 143 Points

3) Nolahn - 131 Points

4) Joanna - 93 Points

Current/Previous Battle Royale Champions

(BR4) Stevee Taylor - 285 Points

(BR3) Dan Heaton - 176 Points
(BR2) Dylan Fields - 114 Points
(BR1) Rachel Thuro - 171 Points

That being said, enjoy! Thanks goes out to Kevin MacLeod's Incompetech website for great, royalty-free music. And thanks to Google for helping me find a website that will give me free video game audio samples.

V/H/S.

So, I'm considering this a theatrical release since it's a VOD release for now. Anyway, I had heard mixed reactions on this. Some thought it was a fantastic use of the found footage genre. Others felt the whole film was lacking. But where do I fall? I can't really tell you about the plot or the actors since all the actors are unknowns and it's an anthology, so there are multiple plots. What I'm going to do instead is talk about the different stories individually and then give my final thoughts on the film as a whole.

Tape 56

This is the main story, the one that ties the anthology together. The idea is that a group of thugs are hired to go to an old man's house and steal a VHS tape. But when they get there, they find that not only is the old man dead, but there are tons of tapes. So while part of the group looks around the house for all the tapes, one of the guys stays behind to watch a few of the tapes the old man was watching when he died.

Nothing is really explained in this story. What tape were they sent to find? By who? Why did the old man have all these insane tapes? And how did he even get them? What's going on? There's basically no real story here except for filler in between the tapes. There's an interesting ending to it, which I won't spoil, but--you guessed it--not explained and out of nowhere. All of the guys in this aren't developed, either. And they're all horny douchebags, so you wouldn't like them even if you knew anything about them. To me, this was nothing but a plot device, and they could have done it much better.

Amateur Night

A group of horny, douchebag assholes put a hidden webcam in one of the guy's glasses so that he can basically record him having sex or whatever other kind of debauchery they're planning. They go to a club/bar and pick up a couple girls and bring them back to their motel room. One of the girls is Lily, who is a bit... strange. And all she keeps saying is that she likes the guy in the glasses.

Yet again, this story is full of undeveloped characters who you can't root for because they're all so incredibly unlikeable. You can pretty much figure out what's gonna happen and/or who is gonna turn out to be a "bad guy" in this story pretty quickly. And I'll be honest... I had no idea what I was watching happen here until I read the description on Wikipedia. So, yeah, it wasn't very clear. This was an annoyingly bad story... so it's no wonder they put it first to get it out of the way. And unfortunately, this takes the movie up through the first 30-40 minutes.

Second Honeymoon

This is the Ti West segment, so at least you know there's some talent going into it. This follows a couple named Sam and Stephanie as they're going on their (wait for it...) second honeymoon. They decide to go out west and do stuff like visit a fake old west town and visit what I'm assuming is the Grand Canyon. However, weird things begin to happen when a girl visits their motel and, even unbeknownst to the couple, hasn't exactly gone away.

Ti West definitely has a formula to his movies. They're usually really slow with basically nothing scary happening... and then a crazy, almost out-of-nowhere ending that is pretty cool. And I'd say... that's still kinda the case here. There's maybe one creepy moment about halfway in, but otherwise it's just a very slow, character-building story. And this is pretty much the only story in the entire film that attempts to have any kind of character development. I will say I didn't see the ending coming, and I liked it... even if by the end I wanted it to continue going. It's like... just when it started getting interesting, it stops. And that's my only real complaint here. It's not scary at all, but the ending is pretty good.

Tuesday the 17th

You can imagine what this one is about, I'm sure. A bunch of friends are going to one of the girl's hometowns to visit this lake that she always camped at when she was younger. Of course, 2 of the guys are douchebags, one is a dorky guy, one of the girls is annoying, and the other girl is freaky/psychotic. It turns out there had been some crazy murders in these woods/lake area a few years back... and you can figure out what happens next.

Yeah, this is totally a Friday the 13th rip-off... but with a twist. I like the idea behind the killer in this movie. It was a really fun idea. But everything about this segment is so unbelievably underdeveloped and cliche that it's just not fun. The characters are unlikeable and undeveloped (are you seeing a pattern here?), and the twist is so blatantly obvious they might as well have had a flashing neon sign pointing down and stating "Do Not Trust." This segment almost feels like it's over before it begins. Imagine having one of the Jason movies compacted into 10 minutes. That's what this feels like. Again, good concept for the killer, but so unbelievably undeveloped that I couldn't get into it.

The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger

Now here's an interesting one. Emily is video chatting with her boyfriend, James, who is apparently out of state getting his doctorate. She pretty quickly begins feeling that her new apartment is haunted. And then she gets a strange bump under her arm. She tries to investigate these mysteries, and that's when things get interesting.

The Skype-esque format of this was really fun and unique... but it begs the questions "how did it get onto a VHS tape?" And James declares at least 2-3 times that he wasn't recording certain sessions. I mean, he could have been lying I suppose, but even if he were... the "how did it get on VHS" question still remains. Besides that, this is a story that starts quickly and just goes right into the freaky stuff. And the twist to this one is pretty cool. The characters here aren't exactly undeveloped like a lot of the others, but you weren't exactly connected to them. In fact, Emily comes off as kind of an idiot most of the time. Still, despite its flaws, this is definitely one of the stronger stories of the film, and I really liked its overall concept.

10/31/98

The film story of the film. Of course it has to take place on Halloween. Four friends who (*gasp*) are not douchebags or assholes or (at least here) horny are invited to a Halloween party. One of them dresses up like a Nanny Cam, which gives us the video tape perspective in this story. They go to a house where they think the party is, but it seems deserted. And kinda haunted. They travel through the house thinking it's just a big, funhouse game kinda thing... not realizing they're stumbling into something much worse.

I liked this story, too, despite the fact the guys are a bit dim. Still, this is the first story where not only do none of the males prohibit any moments of douchebaggery, but they're even all decent human beings. Even if you knew nothing about these guys--and you don't--you still like them and hope they all make it out OK. I also liked the idea of them thinking they're in a haunted funhouse and stumbling into something they didn't expect. If there are any downsides to this one, it's that the "twist" is again a bit unclear. I actually thought one thing when it turned out--according to Wikipedia--to be something totally different. And I like the version I read much better than what I thought it was. It's much more original. It's just unfortunate that it's not clear in the story. Still, a solid effort and a decent way to end the movie.

Final Thoughts

The moral I kind of took from this film was that almost all guys are horny douchebags and almost all girls are psychotic in one way or another. That just seemed to be the common thread throughout most of the stories (not all of them, mind you. But most). The film suffers from being 2 hours of underdeveloped stories, characters, and concepts. With the exception of maybe one or two, almost none of these segments feel like they're complete. It's like they're lacking entire chunks of important or interesting story, whether it comes prior to or following the events of said segments. I don't necessarily always need things explained to me, but a lot of these situations felt like they needed to be fleshed out a bit. I think they could have even cut out Amateur Night completely and used that time to flesh out the other stories. Not to mention very few of the characters in any of the stories were likable, so it was hard to get behind a lot of them or care about anything that was going on. In the end, the film is alright. Some of its stories are worth watching. If anything, the whole of it kept a nice, creepy atmosphere. But narrative-wise, the film is just kind of... OK.


Stop Saying OK! OK.

50/50 Review #33: Peeping Tom.

I've mentioned in the past, but generally my recommended Netflix rating is pretty spot on with how I'll feel about a movie. I very rarely end up giving it a full star below or above the original rating. But it's even more rare for it to be two full stars above or below--in fact, I can't recall the last time that happened. But it happened here. Mark (Carl Boehm), a cinematographer, is addicted to voyeurism. He carries around a video camera everywhere he goes, but only uses it in extreme circumstance... particularly when he's killing someone with it or filming reactions to his kills. But one day he befriends the downstairs neighbor, Helen (Anna Massey) and vows never to harm her. But his kills begin getting investigated, and he must find a way to keep from getting caught while finishing his "documentary."

I wasn't sure what to expect going into this, especially since it only had a 3.3 rating for me--pretty average. But as it started, and the longer it went on... I couldn't help but love everything this movie does. It's such an intensely philosophical film. It explores fetishism, particularly voyeurism and the fascination with fear. The dichotomy of characters and theme is fascinating, especially the idea that the film's antihero is addicted to watching people and his biggest adversary is blind. But I think why this film is so famous and "dangerous" is actually its meta quality. It's a horror film about a guy who gets excited watching people get scared and then die... as you're getting excited watching people get scared and then die (while simultaneously possibly being scared yourself). It's absolutely brilliant.

It also has some brilliant pacing and tension building. There are really only three deaths in the entire movie--one at the opening, one in the middle, and one at the end. But you still feel the suspense throughout. Every scene builds so much tension as you never know what's going to happen next. This film has been compared to Psycho, but I'll be honest... as much as I like and appreciate Hitchcock, I vastly preferred this over Psycho. The twist in Psycho is fantastic, but to me... the twist in this film is more "twisted" and frightening. The shower scene is classic, but I like how this film builds the tension better. I won't begin to compare Mark to Norman, though.

But I will talk about the characters of this film. Mark is a Dexter-type character. He might be a psychotic serial killer, but you root for him. You want him to have a happy ending. You want him to get over his sickness and get the girl. Despite his awkwardness, you really feel for the guy, and Carl Boehm acted the part very well. And Helen's mother was chilling in her role, and you were never quite sure what was going to happen between her and Mark. But if the film has a downside, though, it's with the character of Helen. She's just too unrealistic. After such a bizarre first meeting, there's no way she'd be even more smitten with the guy. And then there's the ending, which I have trouble believing for a second.

But besides that, the only other issue I had was minor. The little corner store confused me. I couldn't figure out if he worked there or what. I assumed he did, but he also worked on a movie set? It was just never made clear, and the corner store is never really there except for the only two scenes that the plot and/or theme needs it for (the beginning and the end). I think either that could have been explained a little better or something else should have been done with it. But it's a minor quibble.

Anyway, I was in heavy 'like' with this film for the majority of it. But as it went on, gave us some brilliant scene and some gorgeous camera shots, and came closer to the end, that like turned to love. It's just so fantastically made all around. And believe it or not, I didn't even think about the whole meta quality to it until the very, very end (maybe the last 3-5 minutes). And that just solidified it for me. This is a rather fine philosophical thriller, and I think everyone should see it at least once.


Royale With Cheese

(P.S. That'll wrap up James' Month! I'll say... this was a really interesting month. A very diverse set of films. Two of them I outright loved (this and Sherlock Jr... both having meta qualities, too. Imagine that). One I liked quite a bit, despite not generally caring for the genre (Once Upon a Time in the West). One I actually didn't care for all that much except for the cinematography and soundtrack (Suspiria). And one that I ended up liking a whole lot more than I thought I would, especially an brilliant car chase sequence (We Own The Night). In fact, I could say that about the majority of this month: I was pleasantly surprised with just about all of it. I ended up liking almost everything a lot more than anticipated; ironically, the one I was anticipating the most was the only one I didn't care that much for. Anyway, now it's time to move on to the next month... provided by my very own podcasting partner, Steve Honeywell.)

V.G. Movies #33: Max Payne.

[Welcome back to the Evolution of Video Game Movies series. Every week, I will be moving forward through time, starting with the earliest and ending with the most recent of video game movies. I will be detailing the histories of the games and how the films came about, and both my and fan reaction to the adaptations. Practically all of my background information is either common knowledge or from Wikipedia. So without further ado, let's move on to the next film on the list.]

THE HISTORY

The game was first released in 2001 as a third-person shooter. The game is known for its noir and comic book elements, Norse mythology connections, and its heavy use of bullet-time action and Hong Kong cinema style. Max Payne is a former detective and fugitive DEA agent whose family were recently killed. They were connected to a case involving a drug called Valkyr, so he goes undercover in the mob to find out who was responsible and will kill anyone who gets in his way. (And why go into more details because, honestly, do any of you actually read this?)

I've never played the games, so I can't say how close the film came to them. From what I heard, it strays pretty drastically, despite being similar on the surface. So I know something went wrong somewhere... so let's see, exactly, where that was.

THE FILM

I actually saw this one in theater originally, though I hadn't seen it since. However, I didn't hate it by any means then. I thought it was a bit average, but had its moments. Does it live up to those memories, though? Max Payne (Mark Wahlberg) is a Cold Case detective who has been secretly hunting his wife's killer for 3 years. His newest lead gets him caught up in an underground street drug called Valkyr that causes dangerous hallucinations for most. Teaming up with a woman named Mona (Mila Kunis)--whose sister was also recently killed due to her connection to the drug--Max gets mixed up in this dangerous underworld while hunting for the man who killed his wife.

The strongest aspect of the movie is definitely its visuals. This film is pretty damn gorgeous. The overall aesthetic is fantastic. Even the CGI is great. But... unfortunately, that's about where it all ends.

First you have the really strange choice of actors. Mark Wahlberg can be good in certain films, particularly if he has to act over-the-top or comical, but here--as he's playing it straight and serious--he's just bland. And then there's the casting of Mila Kunis as the film's femme fatale... which is just bizarre. I can't for one second believe her as this character, and it's just so beyond a bad and strange casting decision. Chris "Ludacris" Bridges is also in the film, though I always end up liking him and thought he did well.

The worst thing is that the film breaks the cardinal rule of cinema... and it's just plain boring. There's zero action for basically the entire first hour of the movie, so we're left with Wahlberg and Kunis to carry the film on their charisma (which, of course, neither have here). It's also slightly confusing as not much is explained and characters just show up for no reason as plot devices. And just what exactly Mila Kunis is isn't explained, either (though she's apparently an assassin... a fact I seemingly had to look up the first time I watched this, as well). And there's no suspense or emotion anywhere as you can't connect with any character. Actually, there's a brief 1-2 minute scene where they talk to this tattoo parlor guy, and he was cool just knowing random shit about Norse Mythology (even had a book lying around). I would rather have seen a whole movie following him.

And then the action itself wasn't all that exciting. The games apparently are very much inspired by the likes of the Wachowskis and John Woo and put an emphasis on bullet time and slo-mo. There's definitely some of that here, but it's done so... awkwardly. I read somewhere else where someone said that it was almost more of a parody of bullet time, and that's definitely true. There's a sequence (one that I even remembered from the theatrical viewing) where Max bends over backwards to shoot a guy behind a railing behind him. Just to fire one bullet and shoot this guy takes roughly 45-50 seconds. It's freakin' ridiculous and almost comical in its execution. Otherwise, there's really not much action in this film based on a stylized action game, and when there is... it's pretty dull. Actually, the closing credits almost have more action than the rest of the film as it's just CGI guns shooting for a minute or two.

Speaking of the credits, the movie just kinda ends. There's no real denouement. It's just over. So you sit through what is a very pretty movie, but for no real good reason besides that. The story is dull. The action is dull (and sometimes so stupid it's funny). The casting is way off. I haven't played the game, like I said, but I can imagine why fans were disappointed. I thought it was entertaining when I saw it in theater (with the exception of that ridiculous 1-minute slo-mo gunshot). But on this second viewing, I have no idea what I was thinking. I actually went back and looked at my original review, and it's interesting that I basically felt the exact same way this time, but with stronger emotions that led me to disliking it much more. Anyway, I think "pretty/boring" sums it up well.


Feed Me, Seymour!

The Vlog: Season 5, Episode 2 (A Silent Start - Part 2).

We've got the setup out of the way... now let's dive in. Enjoy! Let me know what you think in the comments.

THE EXPENDABLES 2.

The first film was a pretty big disappointment. There was a lacking story, but the characters and action didn't make up for it--mainly because of an over-reliance on CGI and the fact every action sequence was edited to hell. It was incredibly mediocre to say the least. So a lot of people had dropped expectations for this one... but did they need to? Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) owes Church (Bruce Willis) big time, and Church is making sure he pays up. There's was a plane that crashed carrying some very top secret information, and he wants Barney's team to retrieve it, taking along the skilled Maggie (Nan Yu) to help. Of course, he gets caught up in a bomb-plot headed by Jean-Claude Van Damme and has to defeat him. So with the help of Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Liam Hemsworth, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Norris... they go on this mission. (Jet Li is also briefly in the movie.)

I'll start right off by saying what pretty much everybody else has said: This is what the first movie should have been, and what everybody pretty much expected the first movie to be. You know that awesome moment in the first film where it's Stallone, Arnold, and Willis in the church for 5 minutes just talking? This is that, but taken into action and expanded. It's all of the action stars you love, kicking ass side-by-side, dropping one liners, and making meta jokes about each other's careers.

There are really only a handful of action sequences in the film, but when you do have the, they are fantastic. The entire third act in the airport is probably one of the greatest throwback, nerdgasm sequences ever. The interactions between Arnold, Willis, and Norris alone are golden. And speaking of Norris, he's not here much, but he definitely has a badass presence. They even joke about Chuck Norris Facts at one point (well, prior to the third act, but whatever). This film really played up to fanboys, and of course its most meta moments were my favorite.

But the film isn't perfect. The film meanders at times, particularly in the middle and a subplot with villagers being forced to labor for the bad guys. It goes pretty much nowhere. There's a story bit with Statham's girlfriend (played again briefly by Charisma Carpenter) that also goes absolutely nowhere. Randy Couture is basically non-existant. I mean, he's always in the background... but he serves zero purpose in the story. They barely even give him lines. He's just there to be there. And, of course, there's yet again an incredibly over-reliance on CGI. Even on things that have NO NEED to be CGI. There's CGI blood, CGI helicopters/planes, CGI trams, CGI water... it just goes on and on. And that bugged me almost more than anything else.

(Well, almost everything. I had a young woman sitting behind me that was ungodly annoying. It was like having an over-excitable football superfan sitting next to you. She thought everything was 10 times funnier, sadder, more exciting and/or awesome, etc., than anybody else in the theater. And she made sure everyone knew it. It's like "Really, lady? Jason Statham putting on bronze knuckles is that fucking funny/awesome?" Anyway...)

Basically, if you were disappointed by the first one, definitely check out this one. It's everything you wanted the original to be. And there's really no need to see the original first. There's a couple references to it, but really... there's no need. I barely remembered anything about it and I did just fine. The action is awesome. The gleeful 80s-action nerd moments are splendid. There are a lot of meta references, which is great. It's just pure, action-y fun.


A Keanu 'Whoa'