YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN.

To come out and say it straight up… this movie was very hit-and-miss. Zohan (Adam Sandler) is an Israeli counter-terrorist and overall lady’s man. In fact, he’s the best there is. But Zohan dreams of a better life, away from all the violence, in America to be a hairdresser. So after faking his death in a battle against The Phantom (John Turturro), Zohan travels to America, shaves his beard, cuts his hair, and continually tries (and fails) to get a job. He ends up meeting Michael (Nick Swardson), a basic loser who lives at home with his mom, and gets a place to stay. He also eventually, and reluctantly, takes up a job at a Palestinian hair salon as a hair sweeper. But when his boss Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui) finally gives him a shot, the place becomes a regular hot spot. Unfortunately, a big business guy, Walbridge (Michael Buffer), is trying to buy out all the small Middle Eastern businesses in order to build a big mall in their place. And, also, cab driver and terrorist Salim (Rob Schneider) recognizes the Zohan immediately from the day the Zohan stole his goat. Craziness ensues.

As I said, the movie was hit-and-miss. It was the same jokes over and over and over again: penis, hummus, penis, hummus, penis, penis, hummus, penis, Mariah Carey, penis, penis, hummus, hackey sack, electronics store, penis, penis, hummus, hummus, penis, Mariah Carey, penis, and finally, spurting hummus out as a metaphor of an orgasmic penis… you get the point. It was typically the jokes in between all the repeated ones that were the funniest (probably because it was a break in the repetition). The over-the-top action wasn’t as bad or annoying as I thought it would be. It worked pretty well, though there were moments where it tried too hard (like the ping pong grenade toward the beginning).

Nick Swardson really had some of the funnier parts of the movie (pretty much like any movie he’s in… like Click or The Benchwarmers), and he was really underused in it. But there are some pretty good cameos in the movie, as well, though I won’t spoil who. Though some were better than others. And the parts that were funny were pretty funny; they were just kinda few and far between.

On the visual side, this movie had quite a bit of male nudity (mostly Sandler’s backside, though I figure it was a stand-in). However, there was no female nudity. I take that back: there was female nudity, but not the kind the audience deserved. Though the actress who played Dalia really was rather hot.

The biggest problem with the movie was that it had way too much going on. There were too many plots. There was the hairdresser plot, the terrorist plot, the Phantom plot, the business-buy-out plot, etc. There was just too much going on and crammed into this movie, even if it was almost two hours long. And the climax of the movie was damn near anti-climactic and cop-out, while the ending of the actual movie nearly made me wonder why I had sat through the movie, as one of its biggest plots was rendered pointless (and almost hypocritical). And not to mention that about halfway into the movie, the hairdresser thing just kinda… goes away. You spend the first full half of the movie watching Zohan leave his old life, come to America, try to get a job, finally get a job, start to succeed at his job… and then it just stops. It’s exchanged for a romantic subplot with Dalia that comes out of nowhere.

All that aside, though, the movie did have some really funny moments. It wasn’t horrible by any means, but it wasn’t the best comedy I’ve ever seen, either. I’d say it was relatively average.

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.