Deep Thoughts From Jason Soto #2: Raiders Of The Lost Government Agent.

[A while back, Jason Soto had a thought to discuss about film and used my blog as a place to post it, since his doesn't really allow for it. Ever since, whenever Jason has a deep thought about a film... I allow him to post it here. This is his next deep thought... from Jason Soto.]

Earlier in the day, I decided to watch a favorite of mine "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (None of that "Indiana Jones AND The Raiders of the Lost Ark" bullshit! It was originally called "Raiders of the Lost Ark" go to hell!) and while watching it this time around, I thought of something that I hadn't thought of before.

OK, so the plot of the movie, in a nutshell, is the U.S Government heard the Nazi's are digging around in Cairo for something but they don't know what. It involved some friend of Indy's and Indy tells them they're probably looking for the Ark of the Covenant. After hearing what all the Ark could do if it fell into Nazi hands, the U.S Government decides to send Indy after it before the Nazi's can.

So my question is: why didn't the U.S Government send some type of agent/cop or even some military person to go with Indy? I mean the Nazi's are involved, shouldn't our military get involved somehow? To put it in modern terms, it's like finding out Al-Qaeda is digging around in Afghanistan for some reason and the CIA sends in some history teacher from Harvard to find out why. By himself.

Now, the easy answer to this is because Indiana Jones is a motherfucking badass who doesn't need any help or protection. And yes, you're right. But in "Raiders," Indy and Marion get captured I don't even know how many times. I think a LITTLE help would've been needed.

And don't mistake this as me ranting, I still love the movie and this little question didn't ruin anything for me, nor do I mean to ruin it for you reading this. It was just one of those small thoughts that popped up. Kinda like Randal's rant about the Death Star blowing up the second time in "Clerks." Kinda like that.

Deep Thoughts From Jason Soto #1: "Cars"... And A Caste System?

Talking to Jason the other day, he brought up an interesting point that inspired me to do something new on the blog. Every now and then, Jason comes up with some deep thoughts, but his blog doesn't really allow for a place for him to share them. So when this happens, he'll write up a guest post for my blog and share these with us. I call these... Deep Thoughts From Jason Soto. And here's the first one.

In this article, Jason brings up some points that either makes Cars a whole lot deeper than we once believed... or a whole lot stupider. You decide.

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At my job presently, we are getting ready for back-to-school season. So we got a fuck-load of notebooks with different covers. One of the covers features the characters from "Cars," and as I was looking at this cover, it made me think all sorts of things about "Cars." Before I present them to you, let me tell you now that I have never seen either "Cars" films, so maybe some of these things might've been answered. If so, please leave a comment telling me so and what the answer is.

First off, how the fuck does this "Cars" world work? I mean, are there no sidewalks? No humans? Just cars that can think, talk, and drive around? That's just weird, man!

Secondly, it appears to me whatever make of car you're born as is what your profession is going to be for the rest of your life? Like the main car who's a racecar. What if he didn't like racing cars? What if he wanted to cut hair? Or be a boxer? Or go into porn? And what about Mater? He's stuck being a lowly tow truck for the rest of his life. He never got a chance in this life, man! Poor Mater.

Speaking of, how does sex even work in this world? Now, I only seen a 30-second clip from "Southland Tales" that featured two trucks fucking. I GUESS it's possible, but do the female cars have vaginas? What does car sperm look like anyway? Do they have the whole 9 months thing or is it like...2 weeks?

Are there retarded cars? Twin cars? How do cars die? EVERYTHING about this world makes no fucking sense to me! I see why this franchise is the worst of the Pixar lot cause every other Pixar film is at least based off of some human reality. But "Cars"? It's like "Maxiumum Overdrive" meets "The Twilight Zone": it's fucking terrifying.

Oh and... if humans did exist, could they get into the cars? Would the inside be filled with guts and organs and stuff? I could go on forever and ever, so I'll stop here. Again, if there is some answer to any of these questions (besides "it's a dumb kids movie, shut the fuck up Jason"), please let me know.