First and foremost... what the hell did I just watch? None of this damn movie makes a lick of sense. The character actions are absurd. The villains are ridiculous. And then there are certain scenes here and there that are just laughably cheesy. For instance, there's one scene where Love Interest chases Norris around his yard with a garden hose until they fall to the ground and start making out, only for her to hold the hose upward so that they're making out with water coming down on them in slow motion. Right around this scene, Norris visits the main bad guy, who also happens to be a "little person" in a mechanical wheelchair. He talks WAY over-the-top and even has a wall that spins around to hide him in a secret room. I think even Bond villains would go "...really?" at this. And I will say... it's scenes like those that made the movie for me. I really liked when it went silly and cheesy like that.
What disappointed me was... everything else. To be perfectly honest, after all the build up of Chuck Norris over the years (I mean, the dude is essentially greater than God, if you believe the jokes)... the action was kind of a let down. I never thought the action scenes were all that exciting. Outside of the climax (humvee versus bulldozer?) there was nothing special it. Most of it was just people shooting guns at each other in just... regular kind of ways. It's not very exciting. Again, outside of the climax, the action wasn't all that great to me. Not to mention even when people got shot or hurt, they obviously and clearly never got shot or hurt (almost no blood). Norris, on the other hand, still exhibited a kind of cool factor regardless.
The story wasn't anything special, either. Nothing that hasn't been done a billion times (aloof badass cop gets a rookie partner, stumbles into conspiracy, goes too far, gets his badge taken away at some point, has to go prove himself and save the day after a female family member and/or love interest is kidnapped, etc.). The execution of it, on the other hand, was unique. It was very soap opera-ish. The acting was incredibly over-the-top. The music was ridiculously big and overdramatic. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
In the end, the movie was... well, it was alright. It wasn't all that exciting to me. Sorry, Jason. I think it needed to be a little more absurd for me to really love it. I mean, there's a lot I didn't mention that was weird or fun, but it wasn't enough to win me over completely. To be honest, I didn't dislike this movie in any real regard. In the line between so bad it's good and just bad, I don't think it ever crosses into 'just bad'. It always stays in the 'so bad it's good' territory, just not enough for my personal liking.
Stop Saying OK! OK.
(P.S. SPOILERS... Not the dog/wolf! That part made me sad.)
