A Week Of Uwe Boll #3: Far Cry.

Wow. What can I say about Far Cry? I guess we'll just start with the plot. On a military-run island (I think), a man named Dr. Krieger (Udo Kier) is doing experiments on soldiers, trying to create the ultimate super soldier that can be controlled by said military. One of the men working there, though he doesn't really want to, is a man named Max (Ralf Moeller), who is the uncle of a reporter named Valerie (Emmanuelle Vaugier). He sets up a covert meeting for them on the island, so Valerie needs to find a way to get there. She hires a boat driver named Jack Carver (Til Schweiger), who also happens to be ex-Special Forces... and also happens to have fought in said special forces with Max... to take her to the island. But they're found out at soon as they get there and are nearly killed. Jack wants to just find a boat and get off the island, but Valerie refuses to leave without Max. Completely illogical stuff ensues.

First and foremost, I want to start off with the acting. It's atrocious. Like, really, really bad. I'm not even gonna go into detail. I'll just post this video that happens at the very beginning of the movie:



And it doesn't get any better from there. In fact, you don't hear much of Jack in this video, but he's just... ugh. I've never played the video game, so I don't know if Jack has a German accent in the game (or if there's even a voice over), but they could have--at the very least--gone with somebody who didn't struggle with English and then have them do a German accent.

It could have very well been my TV, but the action scenes in the first half of the movie were so dark you couldn't see what the hell was going on. Fortunately, I do have to admit that the action in the last 30 minute or so of the film is much better, particularly once all the super soldiers are released. But this is also a prime example of how ridiculous and illogical this movie was. The super soldiers had super skin that acted essentially like Kevlar. If they were shot, the bullets basically bounced off them. So tell me if this makes sense: The super soldiers were given Kevlar vests to wear, while the regular, non-super soldiers did not get Kevlar vests. And the greatest part? Everybody continually shot directly at the Kevlar vests on the super soldiers. Not their clearly open arms or heads. And you'd think they'd just go for the head shot. They couldn't possibly be afraid of missing. After all, seconds after they learn they need to aim for the EYE or MOUTH, everybody becomes an incredible marksman and can shoot a super fast super soldier in the EYE without even aiming. Hell, there's one moment where a woman just spins around and shoots one in the eye in about a second. And don't get me started on the romance and sex to be had within hours of meeting each other and previously being unable to stand each other. Or the elongated deaths, where there can be reactions and further actions to advance the plot right before death, despite being shot IN THE FACE (and boy did those eye shots just look stupid and unrealistic).

Let me try to put this another way. Remember yesterday when I discussed how Chris Coppola could have single-handedly destroyed Postal for me? Yeah, he was the best part of this movie. His character was actually pretty funny, though he's not really introduced until the last third of the movie. Udo Kier (who you'll instantly recognize, despite probably never having seen the majority of his movies) is a pretty decent villain. His acting is probably the least annoying (after Chris Coppola). The worst thing about the whole thing? (SPOILER ALERT) They never show his demise. That's right. You don't even get the satisfaction of seeing the villain defeated. You see the super soldiers coming toward him as he stands with his back to a cliff, but that's it. Then it goes to the escape boat with our heroes, and that's the end of the conflict. (END SPOILERS)

Yeah. This movie is pretty bad. There are a couple redeeming factors (like Chris Coppola's character), but that's about it. It's dull. It's inept. It's stupidly illogical. And up until Rampage, people apparently considered this Uwe Boll's best movie. And as I'm going in descending order based on rank, I can't wait to see what I have to look forward to next. As for Far Cry, I can totally see this as a movie to riff on with friends. I'm sure that'd be a good time. Just try to avoid watching it alone. Not as fun.


The Zed Word

(P.S. Geeooorrggee, what are you doing driiivvvinngg? But Geooorggee, what about the whaaallleesss?)