THOR.

With all the big "superhero movies" coming out this summer, I knew my reviews were going to be just one in a crowd of thousands saying the same thing. I almost thought I shouldn't even bother reviewing them, considering the near-pointlessness of it. But then something happened. I was contacted by sources that will remain undisclosed that I would have the amazing opportunity to interview important people connected to the film. However, I was also told they don't like us to refer to them as movies, but rather biopics, considering how they're giving us the close-to-true stories of their own lives. So without further ado, I'll give you my personal interview with the god of thunder himself: Thor.

NICK: Thank you for speaking with me today. I know you're known by many names at this point. Do you have a preference?

THOR: That is correct. I am The Mighty Thor. Thor Odinson. The Thunder God. Donald Blake, MD. But I suppose you may call me Thor.

NICK: Well, Thor, I know when this mo--biopic--was first announced, there was some thought that it might not be all that "Mighty," so to speak. People haven't followed your life as much as other heroes. In other words, they didn't think the film would do all that well.

THOR: Yes, I have heard such things. Ignorant mortals think that just because nobody has heard of you that your life's story will mean nothing. But I am the god of thunder, for Odin's sake! Entire populations worshiped and feared me.

NICK: No offense, but that was a long time ago. And this film is based more on your serialized biography than the events themselves.

THOR: That is true. But the point remains, human, that there should have been no worry that my story would have been any less received. Just look at my friend Tony Stark.

NICK: Yes, that's a good point. Iron Man more or less exploded at the box office. Now, you mentioned he's your friend--

THOR: Correct.

NICK: --Well, I wanted to talk about your upcoming exploit The Avengers. I noticed quite a few nods to the upcoming, um, biopic in your film.

THOR: Yes! The Avengers is by far our greatest accomplishment, and we like to build the anticipation for this particular quest in our respective biopics.

NICK: Yeah. Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and Iron Man 2 have already given us some insight, and Captain America is the last scheduled to arrive prior to the big one itself. However, do you feel that it's beginning to be too much? For instance, a lot of people disliked Iron Man 2 because of how it was more an Avengers prequel than a proper Iron Man story. What's to stop your story from falling into that same trap?

THOR: That is a good question. While Stark's second venture might have kept its focus on the Avengers aspect, my story is merely surrounded by it without being overwhelmed. For instance, if you have a good eye, you will notice a brief cameo by Hawkeye to set up his position in S.H.I.E.L.D. And if you pay attention, you will also note a brief, though unnamed reference to a Mr. Bruce Banner. Otherwise, only Agent Coulson--a man who has appeared in the other films--is a major connection to the Avengers storyline.

NICK: Yes, I did catch those things. I actually have to say I enjoyed the fact that it wasn't overwhelmed with Avengers storylines while still being there enough to keep it grounded in that universe. And speaking of universes, I'm curious as to how you thought this film portrayed your life story, or at least this part of it.

THOR: Ah, very well. It captured the beauty of Asgard and the dreary coldness of Jotunheim fantastically. Kenneth Branaugh, while sometimes using curious angles, did give us some amazing shots. He also managed to capture both the humor of situations and the complexity of my transformation from arrogant god to a calmer, more understanding being.

NICK: Yes, I agree there was some good humor, particularly from the lovely leading ladies. And what I thought was captured even more interestingly than your own complexity was the complexity of your brother, Loki. He's not your typical villain. I found his reasons for things he did were interesting and sometimes well intended, however misguided. You could tell he wasn't pure evil or even crazy; his motives came from a logical place, and his transformation was notable.

THOR: Yes! Villainous as he might be, Loki's tragic downfall was indeed captured well. He's not just some emotionless being.

NICK: The last thing I'd like to ask you about it the action. Do you think it showed you to your full potential?

THOR: Absolutely. From start to finish, I was shown as the fantastic fighter than I am. It is a true spectacle and quite fun, if I do say so. I have heard rumblings that the ending might feel anticlimactic between my brother and I, but I must disagree. While not as epic as the fight with The Destroyer, the fight with my brother was much more emotional on multiple levels and, thus, quite satisfying.

NICK: Well, I know you're a busy god. Is there anything else you'd like to announce before I let you go?

THOR: Keep an eye out for The Avengers next year. And stay tuned after the credits for another extra scene--it might not make much sense now, but I promise it will in the future.

NICK: Excellent.

THOR: This was a fantastic interview. You are a very charming human. I will make sure you do not die in any future battle.

NICK: Well... thanks!

THOR: Of course.

[Immediately after this interview, Thor was hit by a car. But he's OK. Promise.]


A Keanu 'Whoa'