Short Review: The Next Three Days.

Premise: After his wife is accused of murder with no chance of release, a man plans an elaborate escape to get her out and take her and their son to a foreign country to live outside the grip of the law.

Starring: Russell Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, Ty Simpkins, Olivia Wilde, Jason Beghe, Aisha Hinds, Liam Neeson, Jonathan Tucker, RZA, Kevin Corrigan, and Daniel Stern.

My Reaction: I really enjoyed the first hour of set-up and planning. While some might see it as a bit too slow, I felt the slow burn would lead up nicely to the second hour of action. Unfortunately, the action is only in the last 20 minutes or so. The 40 minutes in between the first hour and the last 20 minutes are where most of my major problems with this movie lie. First, it loses some steam. Second, it starts to feel redundant. And third, it just drives home my biggest issue with the movie as a whole: she (the wife) is so not worth it. She's a total witch, and I honestly couldn't see why he would go through so much trouble for her--especially the scene where the movie gets particularly dark and he decides to follow a drug dealer (the Jonathan Tucker/Kevin Corrigan scene). However, the break-out and subsequent on-the-run sequence is a lot of fun, making you wonder if they'll get away with it. Otherwise, not a big Russell Crowe fan, but I think he did fine with it. The movie is mostly entertaining for being a pseudo-heist film... it's just the lengths he goes to in comparison to what he's trying to obtain doesn't seem worth it overall. And most importantly, the title makes little sense, as it alludes to (mostly thanks to the trailer) the three days after the "heist," while the movie is about everything leading up to and then the actual attempt. The results are only visited for about 2 minutes. But maybe that's just me reading into it wrong.


I Am McLovin!

Why Haven't They Made This Yet? #2

[Do you know what I find even more annoying than the constant wave of remakes, reboots, sequels/prequels, and comic book and video game adaptations? People complaining about remakes, reboots, sequels/prequels, and comic book and video game adaptations. Seriously, all I ever hear these days is 'waah, why aren't there any fresh ideas? Everything is (see above) nowadays!' And frankly, I'm getting really tired of it. So instead of joining the ranks, I'm going to embrace all said types of film, and I will be celebrating it in a segment I like to call... "Why haven't they made this yet?"]

I didn't want to do another video game adaptation so soon, but this one has been on my mind since I conceived the idea for this. I had to get it all down. So here we go.



Title: Super Mario Bros.

Type: Video Game Adaptation/Remake/Reboot.

History: Mario and his brother Luigi were first introduced to us in the original Mario Bros. way back in the 80s. Since then, they've spawned numerous games which have become the second biggest selling game series in history.

One might think that a movie based on Mario would be nearly impossible. And I would agree. Just look at the version done in the 90s with Bob Hoskins. I mean, have you ever looked at the story of the games? Really, truly looked at it? You have two plumber brothers who find themselves in the Mushroom Kingdom. Princess Peach, the sole princess of the kingdom, has been kidnapped by a dinosaur, Bowser. It's up to these two to get her back, traveling to many different lands/worlds to find her. These worlds span kingdoms of giants, ice, water, desert, and more. Along the way they have to face other dinosaurs, turtles, and goombas (creatures of the Mushroom Kingdom that joined Bowser's side). But Mario and Luigi don't have to do this alone. First, they have the guide of a mushroom-headed guy named Toad who helps by saying "The princess is in another castle!" But you also get superpowers. Depending on what icon you consume, you can shoot fireballs, wear a raccoon suit that turns you to stone, hop in a frog suit to swim under water, or become invincible for a short amount of time. All of this in the name of the princess.

How insane is that?

Film Possibilities

Genre: First of all, there's no way this movie could be live action and look as good as it could. But it wouldn't be good enough to have simple animation. Motion Capture would be the way to go. As for genre, it would be action/adventure fantasy. The adventure is obvious by all the travel, and of course the action to go with it. The movie would also have to embrace the fantasy and not try to make it real like the original film did. It would also have to have a lot of comedy. This movie cannot possibly take itself seriously or it'll fail big time.

Why This Movie Could Work: Beowulf. Motion Capture is slowly becoming more and more popular, and even though it's all animated, it can look real without simultaneously looking ridiculous. To top it off, this movie could be 3D, as there's a big 3D craze going on at the moment. Can you imagine all the fireballs and turtle shells flying at you? Awesome.

Story: The Mushroom people and the dinosaur people live in harmony within the Mushroom Kingdom. But the King is dying. Princess Peach is up for the crown, but Chancellor Bowser is a wee bit greedy. He causes anarchy within the kingdom and kidnaps the Princess, waiting for the king to die. If the princess isn't home and alive when the king dies, the crown automatically goes to the next in line: the Chancellor. The kingdom is split, half staying loyal and the other half siding with Bowser. But there's a prophecy of two brothers that will save the kingdom. The king sends Toad to find them, and find them he does. The king sends Mario and Luigi to find the princess and bring her home to claim her crown. So now they must travel the world, through hot and cold, through the strange and stranger, to get her back.

Along they way they discover the powers of the Mushroom Kingdom, and the different abilities they can gain, such as harnessing fire. Hopefully they can reach the princess and defeat Bowser before it's too late.

Director: This is a toughie. Who has experience with Motion Capture, fantasy, adventure, and comedy? Who would be willing to take a gamble, especially after the worldwide infamy that is the first film? I was tempted to throw all that out the window and go with a specific director based on previous work with the following cast, but I think prior knowledge would be important here. I have to go with Robert Zemeckis. He's directed Beowulf, The Polar Express, and the upcoming A Christmas Carol. There's no doubt he knows his Motion Capture. He can do comedy where we know something is serious, but it refuses to take itself as such: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? And he can do the fantastical, as seen in Beowulf and Back to the Future. I really think Mr. Zemeckis would be the perfect director for this.

Cast: This was one of the toughest parts. The king and Toad aren't too worrisome. It's Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, and Bowser we have to worry about. Let's start with our leads. There aren't many actors out there who could do this well. They have to not only make you care for them as you watch them, but they have to have a good chemistry between each other. One has to be portly (which isn't that common in Hollywood), while the other a bit lanky. That's why I feel the following casting is an inspired one (they'd just have to work on the accents and grow thick mustaches):

That's right, Nick Frost and Simon Pegg as Mario and Luigi (respectively). We already know they have chemistry. We already know they can do action (Hot Fuzz). We know they can take something serious and not take it too seriously. And being the nerds that they are, they would treat the material with the utmost respect. As I said, they'd have to work on the accents, but that shouldn't be too hard for either of them. Obviously, the director choice I alluded to earlier was Edgar Wright, having worked with these two before.

But now we have the princess. We need a good looking blonde woman. She'll probably want to be a medium-named actress. Not an Angelina Jolie, but not a no-name, either. Somebody we know and can identify with and who we would want to see rescued, but not somebody so famous that they'd want an extended role (as Peach probably wouldn't be in the film a whole lot). One name springs to mind: Banks.

Her name is all over the place, but I don't think it's Jolie-level quite yet. And who wouldn't want to save Elizabeth Banks from a dinosaur? It'd be perfect.

Finally, our villain. Of course, this is a dinosaur we're talking about. It won't obviously be an actor, so it's the voice we're looking at here. Somebody who can exude evilness in his voice. And if we're going with my script, somebody who can be at least eligant, as he is a chancellor of a magical kingdom. Even if we didn't go with my script, Bowser would have to be a good speaker, as he has so many followers. Only one name crossed my mind. Hugo Weaving. Who didn't get the chills as he went on his rants in The Matrix? Who didn't love listening to him spin rhetoric in V For Vendetta? And we never even saw him in that one (not skin, anyway). He can keep you entranced by voice alone, villain or otherwise. And that's why I think he'd be the perfect Bowser.

And that's pretty much all there is to this edition. Thoughts?

DVD Review: Zack And Miri Make A Porno.

I often find myself looking at other movie blogs to see how they feel about certain movies. I look because most blogs I frequent have similar tastes as myself so I have a good idea of what I'll think of a movie. But there are certain types of movies I can't do that with, because I usually have a varying opinion. Kevin Smith films are one of those. So when Zack And Miri Make A Porno only got lukewarm reviews (at best) not only from movie blogs I frequent, but from many reviewers in general, I decided to ignore all of them (for instance, I happen to like Jersey Girl. I don't care what you naysayers think). As such, Zack and Miri was placed on my Netflix queue for roughly 3 months in a status of "Very Long Wait." Well, the movie finally came, and I've finally see it. So now I'm objecting you to my opinion.

Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) have been best friends since first grade, and they even live together now as adults. They work together at a small coffee shop with Delaney (Craig Robinson), who constantly talks negatively about his wife (Tisha Campbell-Martin). But the coffee shop job isn't giving them enough money for rent or utilities, and they lose everything. But during a 10-year class reunion, they meet up with Miri's high school crush Bobby (Brandon Routh) and his new "friend," Brandon St. Randy (Justin Long)... who just happen to work in the porn industry. This inevitably leads to the idea of how to pay off their bills--make and sell a porno. So they get a cast and crew, including Lester (Jason Mewes), Deacon (Jeff Anderson), Bubbles (Traci Lords), Stacey (Katie Morgan), and Barry (Ricky Mabe). So now all Zack and Miri have to contend with are their sudden jealous streaks and hidden feelings for each other as they realize they must not only have sex with each other, but other people, as well.

Like any Kevin Smith movie (or porno), this is a movie to watch without your family and in your room in the middle of the night... which I did. What does that have to do with anything? Well, I laughed. A lot. Without the laughter of an audience to spark it (as is sometimes the case when watching something with others). So to me, that makes this movie genuinely funny. Though I do believe it went a little far at times, even for Kevin Smith (for instance, the occurence that is referenced by this line: "She frosted me like a fucking cake!"). One of my favorite jokes, though, was a LOST reference ("They're on the island, they're off the island... who the fuck can follow that show?" "I think they're in Hell!" "Shut up.").

As you might have noticed just from two quotes, there is quite a bit of adult language. Though if you know anything about Kevin Smith, you'd know this already. That, and what'd you expect from an R-Rated movie with "Porno" in the title? And it easily rivals the Clerks films (if not surpasses them) on sex talk/involvement. So like I said, this probably isn't a movie to watch with your mother. Do I think this is a bad thing, though? No. I think there's a limit on raunchy and too raunchy, and this movie definitely touches at that limit, but it doesn't surpass it.

The acting, primarily Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks, was very well done. I thought they were both heartfelt and had a genuine friendship. And you know, I did a post a while back about RomComs and how they always seem to blame the male and never the female. Amazingly, I think this is about as close as I've seen where it ends up moreso the female's fault than the male's (though they still find a way to turn it around on the male, at least partially). But that was a good turn-around.

Outside the two leads though, the next biggest character is Delaney, played by Craig Robinson, and he does a well enough job with his character. He's fun and likeable. The best character, though, had to be Justin Long's Brandon St. Randy, though he had way too little screen time. He's in basically one scene of the film, but it's a really good one. It's like Anti-Justin Long... he looked exactly the same as usual, but I still hardly recognized him because of how he acted the character. And it was hilarious. Jason Mewes and Jeff Anderson were on form, as well, though you can't help but like those guys (particularly Anderson).

However, if the movie did have one major downfall, I felt it was in these secondary characters (this doesn't include Craig Robinson). They're awfully flat and don't have any kind of major importance except to move the plot along. It's just like... they're there and that's it. I would have liked to see more depth with these characters than was given (which wouldn't be hard, as it was already next to none).

Overall, though, I thoroughly enjoyed the film. It was funny and it had heart. Yeah, it was basically like shoving Kevin Smith and Judd Apatow together, but who wouldn't want to see that? They're both very talented men with similar styles (raunch with heart), and they work. So yeah, I again disagree with a lot of those 'lukewarm' reviews. Kevin Smith remains on my list of 'films I can't look to others for opinions on'. If you haven't seen it already, I recommend it... just make sure your parents/kids/little siblings aren't around when you watch it.


A Keanu 'Whoa'

ROLE MODELS.

I believe I’ve said this in a prior comedy review, but you know those times when you go and see a movie in theater and find it hilarious, but then you buy it and watch it at home, and it’s not even remotely as funny as you remember? And then you realize that the only reason you were laughing the first time was because of the crowd experience (i.e. THEY were laughing, so you were laughing, too). But all alone, you don’t laugh nearly as much. Well, that happens to me quite often. And I have to say that this movie… is not one of those movies. I laughed so much during this film, the majority of which was on my own accord (and a lot of which I know why, so I can get into that later in the review).

Danny (Paul Rudd) and Wheeler (Seann William Scott) are two guys who just float through life selling a disgusting energy drink to high school kids as part of a drug-free program. But after a really bad day that escalates to Danny getting broken up with by his long-term girlfriend Beth (Elizabeth Banks) and climaxes with a police assault and sexual innuendo-related car wreck, both Danny and Wheeler are given community service so that they can stay out of jail. The program, led by ex-druggie Gayle Sweeny (Jane Lynch), pairs adults (“Bigs”) with kids (“Littles”) in a buddy program. But the pairs made here, while at first seem terrible, turn out to be perfect. The negative Danny is teamed up with Amptgard-loving Augie Farks (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), while the ladies man Wheeler is teamed up with foul-mouthed Ronnie (Bobb’e J. Thompson). So now all they have to do is survive together long enough to get through the service hours… but wouldn’t you know it, relationships form.

I won’t deny it: the plot is formulaic. You know pretty much how everything is going to turn out early on. But that didn’t stop me from loving it. Sure, it started out a little slow, and the best joke prior to meeting the kids is shown in the trailer (“Congratulations, you’re stupid in three languages”), but once it gets to the gimmick, it really doesn’t pull back.

Unfortunately, Seann William Scott didn’t get to use his full arsenal in this movie and was really just a tag-along to the plot (hell, technically, he really didn’t do anything to get in trouble in the first place). The majority of the plot rested on Paul Rudd and Mintz-Plasse, which was fine, because that was the most interesting relationship in the movie anyway. Though that doesn’t mean Scott and Thompson weren’t good. In fact, Thompson had most of the funny one-liners of the film. But what I found funniest were the nerd jokes, mostly because I knew everything they were talking about. (Time to show true colors): back in high school, I actually knew people who played Amptgard and even played with them a couple times. It really is a ton of fun, though we never got as into character as they do in the movie. But anyway, the point is, I understood all the jokes on a more personal level.

But then there are the supporting cast members, such as Jane Lynch, Ken Jeong, Joe Lo Truglio, and Matt Walsh. To start with the negative, I found Jane Lynch to be one of the biggest downfalls of the film. She was funny the first couple times, but after that, it started to get old. It was the same jokes over and over again, and it started to get more tiring than funny. But then you have the likes of Ken Jeong, who you might recognize as the delivery doctor from Knocked Up (and he’s a real doctor, too, I believe), whose outtakes on the DVD were almost ten-times funnier than the movie itself. And he’s not wasted in this film, either, as the King (the ultimate villain in the Mintz-Plasse part of the story). Between his facial expressions and his slight hints of homosexuality, he was hilarious. And I pray that he has more outtakes on the Role Models DVD, too. And then, of course, you have the Amptgard loyalists, Joe Lo Truglio and Matt Walsh, whose dedication to the sport makes them great (especially Truglio).

Overall, I really loved the film. I know this review focused more on Rudd/Mintz-Plasse, but I honestly felt they were the best part. Scott and Thompson did have equal screen time, and they did have hilarious scenes (just so I can get that out there), but the plot was seemingly more dedicated to the former than the latter—again, at least in my opinion. I would really recommend this film, whether or not it’s predictable. Let me put it this way: I probably only once stopped to think about reviewing the movie while I was watching it (which is very rare these days) because I was so taken in by it. It’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a while.

A Keanu 'Whoa'

DEFINITELY, MAYBE.

The selling point of this movie to me was Ryan Reynolds. I’ve loved him in everything he’s done. It’s a little different with this movie, as he’s playing something I don’t believe I’ve seen him do before: a dad. The premise is very simple: Maya (Abigail Breslin) has Sex Ed one day at school and goes home with her divorcing father Will (Ryan Reynolds) and asks about how she came to be. At first he refuses because it’s too complicated, but he decides to do it as a love story mystery type thing in which he changes all the women’s names. So thus begins the intertwining love adventures between Will and Emily (Elizabeth Banks), April (Isla Fisher), and Summer (Rachel Weisz).

As far as romantic comedies go, this one was pretty good. While it was predictable at times and had a by-the-book ending, it threw in a unique twist to the story, being the flashback-laden story, which the majority of the movie takes place in. For the most part, the acting was actually done very well, though it got pretty sappy and a bit cheesy toward the end. I still loved Ryan Reynolds in this, as he kept his usual Ryan Reynolds wit and charm. Rachel Weisz was okay, but her character was pretty boring to me. Elizabeth Banks was good, too, but my favorite, of course, was Isla Fisher (which is probably because the movie sets it up that way. In other words, if this had been your average Rom Com with only one main female to fall in love with, it would have been Isla Fisher).

The props, however, have to go to Kevin Kline’s horny professor, Hampton Roth. It was an interesting role for Kline, but it worked. He was entertaining every time he was on screen. Actually, he was probably the good half of the Rachel Weisz part of the story. On the other hand, Abigail Breslin, for the little bit of movie she was actually in (as I said, a huge chunk of the movie was in flashback), did very well. She actually had some of the funniest lines in the movie, but that could be because you don’t really expect a girl of her age to say some of the things she does. It catches you off guard.

All in all, I didn’t think the ‘mom’ was as predictable as everybody is saying, but the ending itself was quite predictable. But it fit, too, as this is a Rom Com. So yeah, it was pretty good for what it was. Ryan Reynolds wins me over again (it really sounds like I have a crush on the guy).

I Am McLovin!

(P.S. Did anybody else who saw it suddenly get the strange urge to go out and read Jane Eyre afterward?)