And A Little More...

I realized I didn't fit everything in that I wanted to, so I'm doing a little bit more. I first wanted to include what I feel to be the 20 best performances of the decade.

To help, I've split them up into 2 different categories: Performances for a "good guy" character and, the much more interesting, performances for a "bad guy/anti-hero" character. And there are 10 in each, so they are essentially two Top 10 performances lists that I will then sift through for the Top 10 performances of the year list (hope that made sense). And I won't bother with an explanation... I'll just let the youtube videos do the talking (some clips were harder to find than others... some of these I had to use trailers). That being said, let's get to it.

Top 10 "Good Guy/Gal" Performances of the 2000s

10. Tallahassee - Woody Harrelson (Zombieland)



9. Tony Stark - Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man)



8. Dae-su Oh - Min-sik Choi (Oldboy)



7. Laura - Belen Rueda (The Orphanage)



6. Ulysses Everett McGill - George Clooney (O Brother, Where Art Thou?)



5. Joel Barish - Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)



4. Amelie Poulain - Audrey Tautou (Amelie)



3. Park Il-sun - Rain (I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK)



2. Randy "The Ram" - Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)



1. Trevor Adams - Ben Foster (Bang Bang You're Dead)

Top 10 "Bad Guy/Antihero" Performances of the 2000s

10. Richard B. Riddick - Vin Diesel (Pitch Black)



9. V - Hugo Weaving (V For Vendetta)



8. Alonzo - Denzel Washington (Training Day)



7. Anton Chigurh - Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men)



6. Vincent - Tom Cruise (Collateral)



5. John "Jigsaw" Kramer - Tobin Bell (The Saw Series)

Note: Whether you like the films or not, you can't deny Tobin Bell's acting is freakin' fantastic, and one of the only reasons even the less lenient fans keep coming back. Even I would have to say that if it weren't for Tobin Bell, this series wouldn't have lasted as long as it has. This particular clip (not so good quality) is from Saw II and features John talking to Detective Matthews.



4. Severus Snape - Alan Rickman (The Harry Potter Series)

Note: Rickman completely embodies Snape, and it wouldn't be the same with anybody else. But the video I want cannot be embedded, so follow this link. It's one of my favorite Snape scenes--the extended cut of Harry's first Potions class, which is so much better than the original cut, of course. Also, random fun fact, 2 of the 3 things Snape talks about toward the end of the clip come back in Half-Blood Prince.

3. Rorschach - Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)

Note: This scene is also refusing embedding. Probably for the better, as it's a pretty graphic scene. Anyway, here's the clip.

2. Hans Landa - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)



1. The Joker - Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Note: And, again, another clip that can't be embedded. It's the scene that made everybody fall in love with the character: The pencil trick. Check it out.

Top 10 Overall Performances of the 2000s

10. Joel Barish - Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
9. John "Jigsaw" Kramer - Tobin Bell (The Saw Series)
8. Amelie Poulain - Audrey Tautou (Amelie)
7. Park Il-sun - Rain (I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK)
6. Severus Snape - Alan Rickman (The Harry Potter Series)
5. Rorschach - Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)
4. Randy "The Ram" - Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
3. Trevor Adams - Ben Foster (Bang Bang You're Dead)
2. Hans Landa - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)
1. The Joker - Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Runner-Up: This movie didn't make any of my lists, but it probably should have. Hard Candy was a brutal thriller, and Ellen Page's performance is outstanding, better than anything else she's done yet. So I thought I'd give it a shout-out here.


The last thing I need to post is one thing I had nearly forgotten about: The worst films of the decade. No, I won't be doing an elaborate list here. It's just a decade list. Why? Because I don't go out of my way to see bad movies. So this list compromises the top (bottom?) ten films of the 2000s that I've actually seen. I'm sure there are far worse films than some of these out there. But these are pretty bad, too.

Worst Movies of the 2000s (That I've Seen)

10. The Strangers (2008)

This is one of the most overrated horror films ever. It's not scary. It's not even moderately creepy (at least after the first 10 minutes). It's just... bad.

9. Jumper (2008)

I was so looking forward to this movie. It turned into a total waste. They should have stuck with the younger actors that portrayed the characters before they went however many years "later."

8. Date Movie (2006)

Around the middle of the "Movie" Movie craze, right when they started getting unbearably bad (The "Scary Movies" were at least decent... but when they branched out, they just went downhill fast). Poor Alyson Hannigan.

7. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Not even Brendan Frasier could save this movie. Bad story, bad acting, bad special effects... it was just bad all around.

6. Dragonball Evolution (2009)

I'd been waiting for a live Dragonball movie since the 90s. And then they give us this travesty. It doesn't follow the Dragonball universe almost whatsoever. I do have to give them props on James Marsters as Piccolo. That was actually brilliant casting, and they even made Piccolo look pretty good with the makeup and whatnot. It's just unfortunate he had maybe 5 minutes of total screen time. It was just all wrong and all bad. This is one movie in serious need of a reboot.

5. Anything by Uwe Boll (2003-2009)

You can't have a worst-of list for the decade and not include Uwe Boll. Of his films, I've seen 2 (House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark). And that was more than enough. At least House of the Dead could be considered a so-bad-its-hilarious to watch and riff with friends. But the others... just terrible.

4. Diary of the Dead (2007)

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Romero used to be at the top of the horror field. And then he gave us this. It's terribly acted, and it can't even properly do the "found tape" style of movie. One of the characters actually tells you "I edited this movie after the fact and added tense music and some sound effects to help with the tension" (or something along those lines). Now that's just sad.

3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

This is why video game movies have a bad rep. Crap like this. I was literally embarrassed leaving the movie theater, hoping nobody was watching me leave this travesty of film. No kidding. I had never before nor have I ever since left a movie feeling embarrassed for having publicly seen it... not even the Twilight films. Bad. Bad bad bad.

2. The Spirit (2008)

The only reason my friend and I didn't walk out of this mess is that we were having too much fun riffing on it. This is a perfect riff movie, and I'd be tempted to buy it (from Amazon or some other non-public store) just to make my own personal rifftrax. It is so terribly awful that words cannot describe it. If you go back and look at my review for the movie after having seen it... I literally couldn't find the words to give a proper review. This is by and far one of the worst movies I have ever seen... but not the worst.

1. The Room (2003)

That honor goes to this gem, which I just saw this year. This movie is either a work of terror or a work of pure genius. Tommy Wiseau is either a total moron or the greatest filmmaker of our age. He has either given us the world's worst modern film or the greatest practical joke ever pulled on film. Words cannot describe this movie... it's probably best to go and listen to a previous LAMBcast where it's discussed (I'm not involved, however, as I hadn't seen it at that point). With classic lines like "Hi doggie!" or just his amazing laugh, "ha ha ha ha." The movie is classically, possibly even brilliantly, terrible.

DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION.

Warning: Spoilers below for anybody not versed in Dragonball lore or who actually cares about this movie.

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This movie has been rumored for nearly a decade, and I’ve been waiting for it the entire time. But the question on everybody’s mind has always been the same: How are they going to take such an epic story, even just one of the sagas, and turn it into a movie? Apparently there’s a list of stories that are damn-near unfilmable, as that’s all anybody ever heard when Watchmen was coming out. Well, I like to think Dragonball/ Dragonball Z/ Dragonball GT nears the top of that list. And I’d like to say this movie proves that, but… dear God, this movie didn’t even try. It has to be one of the most atrocious adaptations I’ve ever seen, topping out over Eragon (and that’s saying something).

Let’s start out with this movie’s plot. Goku (Justin Chatwin) lives with his Grandpa Gohan (Randall Duk Kim), who trains him in the martial arts. He also deals with high school bullies and daydreams about his dream girl, Chi Chi (Jamie Chung). And on Goku’s 18^th birthday, Gohan gives him the 4-star Dragonball, his most treasured artifact. But an evil alien who had once attempted to destroy the world 2000 years ago, Lord Piccolo (James Marsters), along with his shape-shifting gal-pal Mai (Eriko Tamura), are hunting down all 7 Dragonballs so that he can summon the dragon and bring back Oozaru, an ape-demon who helped him before. So Goku teams up with another ball-hunter (tee-hee), Bulma (Emmy Rossum), and together they hunt down Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat) so that Goku can get some training as they hunt down the remaining Dragonballs. Oh, and uh… Yamcha (Joon Park) shows up, too… though he’s not worth a whole hell of a lot.

All that being said, let’s talk about how this movie rapes its source material. Let’s start with Goku… just Goku. First of all, this movie is obviously supposed to take place in the Dragonball (not Dragonball Z) timeline, so Goku should be quite a bit younger. Second… high school? Goku never went to any school except Master Roshi’s. And he certainly wouldn’t taunt and fight bullies. He also wouldn’t pass up food in order to go to a party. And that brings us to Chi Chi. Goku is too naïve and childlike to be daydreaming about girls. He shouldn’t even be attempting dating until Chi Chi starts to basically force herself on him. He also has prophetic visions every time he touches a Dragonball. And here’s where it gets fun… Goku has no tail. He’s also not Saiyan (WHAT?). He’s just a human form of an ape demon that crashed onto Earth via meteor. He also apparently only transforms into Oozaru during an eclipse on his 18^th birthday, not during any ol’ full moon. And Oozaru isn’t a big ape monster. Instead, it’s… well, it’s basically a guy in a normal-sized rubber suit. And Goku can gain control of himself as Oozaru and transform back to normal at will.

Now let’s look at the villain. Piccolo looked the part, so kudos with that (well, at least make-up wise. The outfit was all wrong). But that’s about it. I’d argue the logistics of Piccolo being in league with a Saiyan 2000 years ago to help destroy Earth, but since they, you know, cut that whole Saiyan thing, Piccolo was just in league with an ape monster. There’s no real explanation of where Piccolo came from (just a mention that he was in some kind of hell dimension—Buffy flashbacks!—and is now seeking vengeance). Though… if he’s hunting the Dragonballs to summon Oozaru, yet he knows Goku is Oozaru and will transform at the eclipse anyway… why is he after the Dragonballs again? It just doesn’t make sense. Oh, and Goku calls his race “Nemeks”… whatever those are. Namek, maybe?

Other characters? Roshi does keep his perversions, and he does have silly moments, but otherwise isn’t really Roshi (and it doesn’t help that he lives in what appears to be an apartment building in a ghetto). Bulma is more like Lara Croft. And Yamcha… why was he in this movie again? He doesn’t even fight. Chi Chi fights (numerous times)… but not Yamcha. And no disrespect to Ernie Hudson, but why is a black guy playing an old Asian monk? Anyway, one of the biggest issues about the characters isn’t in the characters that were in the movie, but one that wasn’t. I can understand not including Tien, Choazu, Puar, Oolong, or any of the like. But where the hell is Krillin? He’s Goku’s best friend. You set up the Chi Chi relationship… hell, you set up a Bulma/Yamcha relationship… but you cut out KRILLIN? It can’t be that hard to find a short, bald Asian guy.

Other things of note:

-The movie has also apparently sunk into the world of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Not that that’s a bad thing (Avatar rocks), but that’s just not the world of Dragonball.

-The Kamehameha can not only light candles, but it can also be used as a healing spell to resuscitate somebody. Who knew? I have to say, the ending use of it would have been much cooler (he did the KAME-HAME-HA! Pretty well) had he not flown into the air after the blast. All that did was make it look much less impressive than it would have been otherwise. And since when did Goku ever not stay in one spot while firing it?

-You can only use the Dragonballs from the “dragon temple,” using a stone thingy.

-Shenron (the dragon) is kinda like a slightly bigger Mushu from Mulan (okay, so he’s not that small, but he might as well have been).

And there’s probably a lot more that I’m forgetting, too. But I don’t want to bog down this review on just the adaptation aspect. This movie sucks on a normal aspect, as well. Because there are some movies that, if you’re not cognizant of the source material, you might still find enjoyable. This is hardly one of them.

The movie is too short, first of all. Without credits, it’s only about 70 or so minutes. That’s insane for such an epic story (hell, that’s insane for a normal movie). And this short time span causes numerous issues, one of which is character development. For instance, it seems we’re supposed to believe that Bulma and Yamcha fall in love about 15 minutes after we first see them together, and in what is probably their second scene together in the entire movie. But we also don’t care about any of the characters. We don’t know anything about the story or what’s going on. Everything is rushed. They’ll go to a new location, only to leave right after, making you question why they were there to begin with. The eclipse goes from being 2 weeks away to 1 week away to 2 days away, 1 day away, today... all within a short time span with no montage to show us time has passed. And the hunt for the Dragonballs only takes about 20 total minutes of the film, and that’s only getting a few of them. Most are gotten off screen by Piccolo.

And that leads into one of the worst issues to rise from the time cramp. Piccolo—who is supposed to be one of the most feared villains in the entire Dragonball storyline (note: Dragonball, not DBZ or onward), the character who is so dastardly that later, when he starts caring for Goku’s son Gohan in DBZ, the character change is epic—is barely in the movie. He probably has about 5 minutes of screen time total. And when he’s not on screen, Goku and gang are all panicked about Oozaru the whole time, barely even mentioning Piccolo, even though he’s, you know, the only actual current threat as far as they know. But by the time the climax comes (and it comes fast… it doesn’t even feel like you’ve watched an entire movie by the time it gets there), you feel no threat by Piccolo. He’s just some green guy.

But I know what you’re thinking. The Dragonball series’ were all about the awesome fighting. How is the fighting? To that question, I will answer with another question: There’s supposed to be fighting in this? A couple of the fights look slightly decent at times. But on the whole, they’re incredibly short. There’s maybe a total of 5-10 minutes of actual fighting in the entire movie (and 10 minutes is pushing it).

As for the other stuff? I think the actors did what they could with the awful script and dialogue they were given. It’s not like the anime was top-notch on script and acting, but this script was just bad. And who the hell was this movie’s editor? They need to be fired immediately. What a poor excuse of a final cut. Finally, the special effects. I’ve read some stuff about people dissing the special effects. But I didn’t think they were too terrible. They weren’t amazing, but they were good… except Oozaru. That was just crap.

Overall, this movie needs a reboot immediately. It had maybe one or two entertaining moments, but that’s it. I heard they’ve already given the Greenlight to a sequel, but it desperately needs to be a reboot. The Piccolo saga was at the end of Dragonball, so I’m assuming they were using this movie as background (the little background they gave) so that they could get into the more interesting Dragonball Z territory. But cutting Krillin and changing everything else will make DBZ territory impossible. I mean, it starts off with the Saiyan saga, for crying out loud. And they completely made the whole Saiyan thing impossible with the backstory they gave Goku. And if they can’t even find a guy to play Krillin, there’s no way they’re gonna go out of their way to find a talented kid to play Gohan. And if Piccolo is any indication, they’d destroy Vegeta. Reboot it and give us the movie we deserve (keep James Marsters, recast everyone else). I didn’t wait nearly a decade for this poor excuse of an adaptation. And although this still wasn’t as bad as The Legend of Chun-Li, I’m still glad I didn’t have to pay to see this.

The Zed Word