And A Little More...

I realized I didn't fit everything in that I wanted to, so I'm doing a little bit more. I first wanted to include what I feel to be the 20 best performances of the decade.

To help, I've split them up into 2 different categories: Performances for a "good guy" character and, the much more interesting, performances for a "bad guy/anti-hero" character. And there are 10 in each, so they are essentially two Top 10 performances lists that I will then sift through for the Top 10 performances of the year list (hope that made sense). And I won't bother with an explanation... I'll just let the youtube videos do the talking (some clips were harder to find than others... some of these I had to use trailers). That being said, let's get to it.

Top 10 "Good Guy/Gal" Performances of the 2000s

10. Tallahassee - Woody Harrelson (Zombieland)



9. Tony Stark - Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man)



8. Dae-su Oh - Min-sik Choi (Oldboy)



7. Laura - Belen Rueda (The Orphanage)



6. Ulysses Everett McGill - George Clooney (O Brother, Where Art Thou?)



5. Joel Barish - Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)



4. Amelie Poulain - Audrey Tautou (Amelie)



3. Park Il-sun - Rain (I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK)



2. Randy "The Ram" - Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)



1. Trevor Adams - Ben Foster (Bang Bang You're Dead)

Top 10 "Bad Guy/Antihero" Performances of the 2000s

10. Richard B. Riddick - Vin Diesel (Pitch Black)



9. V - Hugo Weaving (V For Vendetta)



8. Alonzo - Denzel Washington (Training Day)



7. Anton Chigurh - Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men)



6. Vincent - Tom Cruise (Collateral)



5. John "Jigsaw" Kramer - Tobin Bell (The Saw Series)

Note: Whether you like the films or not, you can't deny Tobin Bell's acting is freakin' fantastic, and one of the only reasons even the less lenient fans keep coming back. Even I would have to say that if it weren't for Tobin Bell, this series wouldn't have lasted as long as it has. This particular clip (not so good quality) is from Saw II and features John talking to Detective Matthews.



4. Severus Snape - Alan Rickman (The Harry Potter Series)

Note: Rickman completely embodies Snape, and it wouldn't be the same with anybody else. But the video I want cannot be embedded, so follow this link. It's one of my favorite Snape scenes--the extended cut of Harry's first Potions class, which is so much better than the original cut, of course. Also, random fun fact, 2 of the 3 things Snape talks about toward the end of the clip come back in Half-Blood Prince.

3. Rorschach - Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)

Note: This scene is also refusing embedding. Probably for the better, as it's a pretty graphic scene. Anyway, here's the clip.

2. Hans Landa - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)



1. The Joker - Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Note: And, again, another clip that can't be embedded. It's the scene that made everybody fall in love with the character: The pencil trick. Check it out.

Top 10 Overall Performances of the 2000s

10. Joel Barish - Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
9. John "Jigsaw" Kramer - Tobin Bell (The Saw Series)
8. Amelie Poulain - Audrey Tautou (Amelie)
7. Park Il-sun - Rain (I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK)
6. Severus Snape - Alan Rickman (The Harry Potter Series)
5. Rorschach - Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)
4. Randy "The Ram" - Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
3. Trevor Adams - Ben Foster (Bang Bang You're Dead)
2. Hans Landa - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)
1. The Joker - Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Runner-Up: This movie didn't make any of my lists, but it probably should have. Hard Candy was a brutal thriller, and Ellen Page's performance is outstanding, better than anything else she's done yet. So I thought I'd give it a shout-out here.


The last thing I need to post is one thing I had nearly forgotten about: The worst films of the decade. No, I won't be doing an elaborate list here. It's just a decade list. Why? Because I don't go out of my way to see bad movies. So this list compromises the top (bottom?) ten films of the 2000s that I've actually seen. I'm sure there are far worse films than some of these out there. But these are pretty bad, too.

Worst Movies of the 2000s (That I've Seen)

10. The Strangers (2008)

This is one of the most overrated horror films ever. It's not scary. It's not even moderately creepy (at least after the first 10 minutes). It's just... bad.

9. Jumper (2008)

I was so looking forward to this movie. It turned into a total waste. They should have stuck with the younger actors that portrayed the characters before they went however many years "later."

8. Date Movie (2006)

Around the middle of the "Movie" Movie craze, right when they started getting unbearably bad (The "Scary Movies" were at least decent... but when they branched out, they just went downhill fast). Poor Alyson Hannigan.

7. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Not even Brendan Frasier could save this movie. Bad story, bad acting, bad special effects... it was just bad all around.

6. Dragonball Evolution (2009)

I'd been waiting for a live Dragonball movie since the 90s. And then they give us this travesty. It doesn't follow the Dragonball universe almost whatsoever. I do have to give them props on James Marsters as Piccolo. That was actually brilliant casting, and they even made Piccolo look pretty good with the makeup and whatnot. It's just unfortunate he had maybe 5 minutes of total screen time. It was just all wrong and all bad. This is one movie in serious need of a reboot.

5. Anything by Uwe Boll (2003-2009)

You can't have a worst-of list for the decade and not include Uwe Boll. Of his films, I've seen 2 (House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark). And that was more than enough. At least House of the Dead could be considered a so-bad-its-hilarious to watch and riff with friends. But the others... just terrible.

4. Diary of the Dead (2007)

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Romero used to be at the top of the horror field. And then he gave us this. It's terribly acted, and it can't even properly do the "found tape" style of movie. One of the characters actually tells you "I edited this movie after the fact and added tense music and some sound effects to help with the tension" (or something along those lines). Now that's just sad.

3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

This is why video game movies have a bad rep. Crap like this. I was literally embarrassed leaving the movie theater, hoping nobody was watching me leave this travesty of film. No kidding. I had never before nor have I ever since left a movie feeling embarrassed for having publicly seen it... not even the Twilight films. Bad. Bad bad bad.

2. The Spirit (2008)

The only reason my friend and I didn't walk out of this mess is that we were having too much fun riffing on it. This is a perfect riff movie, and I'd be tempted to buy it (from Amazon or some other non-public store) just to make my own personal rifftrax. It is so terribly awful that words cannot describe it. If you go back and look at my review for the movie after having seen it... I literally couldn't find the words to give a proper review. This is by and far one of the worst movies I have ever seen... but not the worst.

1. The Room (2003)

That honor goes to this gem, which I just saw this year. This movie is either a work of terror or a work of pure genius. Tommy Wiseau is either a total moron or the greatest filmmaker of our age. He has either given us the world's worst modern film or the greatest practical joke ever pulled on film. Words cannot describe this movie... it's probably best to go and listen to a previous LAMBcast where it's discussed (I'm not involved, however, as I hadn't seen it at that point). With classic lines like "Hi doggie!" or just his amazing laugh, "ha ha ha ha." The movie is classically, possibly even brilliantly, terrible.

THE STRANGERS.

I saw this movie last Friday, but I had to finish the blog-a-thon before I could post it. But here it is now. But before I get into the actual movie and review, I must set up my personal experience for you first, because I didn’t really see the movie. I haven’t had a movie-going experience this annoying in a long time… but here goes. So first of all, this is an R-Rated horror movie. LEAVE YOUR KIDS AT HOME, DAMNIT. As the trailers were going (including a very misplaced Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 trailer), this young kid is already whimpering and damn near hyperventilating (from the scary trailers, not from seeing Alexis Bledel). As the opening credits start rolling, the two guys that are with this kid are jabbering away to each other, and if the kid says anything, they immediately shush him, but then keep talking themselves.

But finally, after about 10-15 minutes (not like I missed anything in that boring beginning anyway), they stop. Then, right before ‘the strangers’ show up, some toddler starts babbling incoherently somewhere in the back of the theater (I’m closer to the front). I mean, this kid is making noises I didn’t even know could be made. And then when the suspense starts, the kid starts crying. And all I hear is crying from the kid and ‘SHH’ from the mother. Finally, I hear a stage-whisper of “I’ll take him outside.” So they start descending the stairs as noisily and as slowly as humanly possible… only to stop at the entrance/exit ramp to watch the movie from there, instead. She never takes him outside. The kid is still crying. Let me repeat that:

Kid is crying.

Stops at bottom of stairs to watch movie.

Kid is still crying.

She’s still watching movie.

Kid is still crying.

SHE’S NOT TAKING HIM OUTSIDE.

And she never does. Eventually the kid reverts back to incoherent babbling, mixed with laughing shushes from the mother. And so the mother never takes the kid back to their seat, but decides to remain closer to me near the entrance/exit ramp. This continues for at least the first half of the movie before I finally realize the kid has stopped making noises completely.

So I’m finally trying to get into the movie… and remember those two guys and the other young kid from the beginning? Yeah, one of those guys’ cell phone goes off. He catches it pretty quickly, so I shrug it off. I try to get into the movie again. Then the kid with the guys starts talking again… and they shush him… so that the two guys can start talking again.

All of this finally dies down… until, you guessed it… the babbling/crying kid starts acting up again. It was like Circus Babies, trampezing back and forth. So anyway… that was this movie experience to let you know how this review was affected by that experience. Now to the actual review…

Imagine the potato sack boy from The Orphanage all grown up and having moved on from shoving and locking people in bathrooms to mentally torturing and killing. James (Scott Speedman) and Kristen (Liv Tyler) have just left a wedding reception where, apparently, James asked Kristen to marry him… and was denied. They groan about for 20 minutes or so before a girl shows up asking if some random person ('Tamara', I believe) is there. Not long after, three people in masks show up and start psychologically torturing the couple.

That’s about all there is to it. I didn’t really care about the characters at all, and I realized this toward the end when Scott Speedman goes missing from the movie for about 10-15 minutes or so, and I realized I wasn’t even worried about what the heck happened to him. The acting was about as bland as Liv Tyler’s voice. But the writing was the big issue of the movie, as already implied by the not caring for the characters bit. The whole first 15-20 minutes of the movie is all about how they’re drifting apart now that the proposal was denied and how they need time apart from each other and really don’t even want to speak to each other (which is odd to me in and of itself). And then, out of nowhere, they start making out and he starts to pull off her panties to have sex.

Funny side note… around this time, one of the guys with the kid behind me told the kid “close your eyes” when Scott Speedman started to pull off the panties. Might I just relay that you’re in a freaking R-RATED HORROR MOVIE? This isn’t Kung Fu Panda, sir. You shouldn’t be bringing that kid here to begin with. If you’re gonna show him torture and murder, he should be able to see something more endearing and natural like sex.

So anyway, there is actually a fair amount of suspense that did hold my attention some of the time. But the movie was really a one-trick pony: have the strangers show up randomly in the background, shift camera, look back, show them gone. Or… have a noise in the other room, show something that wasn’t there before. Rinse, repeat. It was the same tricks over and over again. And they were effective the first few times, but by the end of the movie, it’s really old. If the poster (which is a scene in the movie) isn't enough, here's some examples of how the movie basically works via picture form... through the majority of the film:

And no, much like the other pictures, she does not know she's being followed at this point in time. And no, they never learn to turn around, but always keep their eyes straight ahead.

Not to mention the end of the movie itself. There’s all that build-up for… that? That’s it? And you don’t even SHOW it? Not to mention the very last frame was beyond predictable.

So here are a few other random tidbits of likes/dislikes:

-I liked how, at least in the house, the only music was on the record player.

-The cameraman had to have Parkinson’s disease, because that camera was unnecessarily bouncy, even in scenes that were supposed to be straight, calm shots.

-The movie, on the whole, was quite predictable.

-When Liv Tyler falls down and hurts her leg (horror movie cliché), she’s crawling around on the ground for the next 5 minutes or so like she could barely stand (as portrayed in the last picture). Then, not even 5 minutes after that, she’s walking around no problem. Seriously?

-The only reason this movie was rated R had to be because of more than one F-bomb… because there was relatively little blood, with two scene exceptions, and there was very little actual physical violence. Most of the horror came from psychological things being done, which is all fine and dandy. I'm no gore-hound (in that I need it to be scared). I actually prefer psychological horror.

The movie on a whole wasn’t God-awful, and it’d be okay to watch on Showtime or whatever when it comes on TV. But it really isn’t worth rushing out to the theater to see. The main characters (good and bad) could have been deeper, the story could have been tighter, and the movie could have used a lot fewer clichés. It was suspenseful, from the parts I could focus on, but that’s about it.

Stupid parents.

Feed Me, Seymour!

(P.S. The audience experience really didn't have an effect on my rating... I would have felt the same regardless. It was just an interesting story to add on to the review, really).