V.G. Movie #35: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.

[Welcome back to the Evolution of Video Game Movies series. Every week, I will be moving forward through time, starting with the earliest and ending with the most recent of video game movies. I will be detailing the histories of the games and how the films came about, and both my and fan reaction to the adaptations. Practically all of my background information is either common knowledge or from Wikipedia. So without further ado, let's move on to the next film on the list.]

THE HISTORY

Ah, Street Fighter. How I missed thee. I've already reviewed two films based on your franchise. There was the animated one that is actually pretty good. And then there was... you know. I give a decently detailed history of the games in the first link there, so I won't go much there. Instead, I'd like to focus on a certain character... Chun-Li. In the animated film, Chun-Li is central to the story and is pretty accurate to the games. In the first live-action film... she's not. Accurate, I mean. It's hard to tell what was central to that movie.

Chun-Li was introduced in 1991's Street Fighter II, the game that launched the series' success. She was the first female character in the series, and she had to be pretty tough to stand up to all those insanely over-bulky dudes. She mastered the Chinese martial art of kenpo, and she was strongest with her legs, doing mostly leg-related maneuvers (most famously the helicopter spin kick).

Her basic game story is that she is an undercover Interpol agent seeking revenge on M. Bison for killing her father. She goes after both him and his criminal organization, Shadaloo (or Shadowlaw). She finds out Shadaloo's involvement through an old friend of her father's Gen, and even gets some help from an Air Force member, Nash. Though in a non-canon spin-off series called Street Fighter EX, Chun-Li is a cop investigating the disappearance of her father, rather than his death.

Now, I saw this film in theaters. Let me tell you what... I've seen all the Twilight films in theater by myself. But it wasn't until this film that I actually felt embarrassed for having paid money to see this in a theater. I literally was trying to duck out of the theater without anyone seeing me--even strangers. In other words, I definitely knew what to expect going in the second time... but I'm not sure that helped.

THE FILM

I was originally going to attempt to write a whole new review from my original, which I wrote 3 years ago when the film first came out. I even re-watched the film. But as it turns out, I pretty much say it all and still agree with every word of that previous review that there's very little to add to that. So what follows is a slightly modified version of that very review.

The film is incredibly convoluted. Years ago, Chun-Li (Kristen Kreuk) witnesses her father being taken away by an evil businessman named M. Bison (Meal McDonough) and his bodyguard, Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan). As she gets older and her mother passes away, a scroll is sent to her that leads her to Bangkok and find an old martial arts expert, Gen (Liu Kang...er... Robin Shou) to eventually seek her revenge. Meanwhile, an Interpol agent named Nash (Chris Klein) and Detective Maya Sunee (Moon Bloodgood) team up to investigate the deaths of all criminal businessmen within Bangkok... of course, all connected to Bison... who is trying to run the city... or something.

The acting was awful from everybody, except maybe Michael Clarke Duncan (and talk about really odd timing on my part). But he's such an uninteresting character, it doesn't matter. Though Chris Klein needs to be punched in the face for the performance he gave. Oh, and big, bad-ass assassin Vega? Yeah, played by Taboo. You know, of the Black-Eyed Peas. You know, the one BEP nobody cares about. 'Nuff Said. The script and all of its dialogue was atrocious, including the voice over. You know how they say not to do voice over in movies because it acts as a cop-out? A visual telling over showing? Well, I’d never understood that (because I’ve always seen voice over done well) until I saw this movie. Most of it was so completely unnecessary, and the film would have been better if they’d have shown the struggles or whatever it was that was being narrated instead of just saying it happened. For instance, there's a whole montage sequence detailing Chun-Li's struggles and personal evolution, but it's over in about 2 minutes and detailed mainly through voice-over instead of seeing any actual change.

The characters are nothing like their game counter-parts. Chun-Li here is made Chinese-American just to go along with Kristen Kreuk. And she's not Interpol or even a cop. She doesn't really have any job. She just... is. And the closest she gets to looking like her game counter-part is one scene where she has her hair up in her trademark buns. Balrog is supposed to be this massive boxer, but Michael Clarke Duncan shoots more guns and missile launchers than anything else. Also... how the hell was that M. Bison? It looked, sounded, and acted nothing like the character. It was almost more of a rip-off of Robert Patrick in Double Dragon than anything remotely similar to Bison. I don't know much about Nash as a character, but I can't imagine Chris Klein was even in the same realm of existence, much less anything else. (Seriously, his performance in this film is somewhere between Nic Cage and Tommy Wiseau.)

The story is all over the place in general, and there were also so many different illogical happenings, so many different things that just didn’t make sense. I don’t even know where to start listing things… from thick, plastic bathroom stall doors that shatter like glass to a white baby growing up in Chinese slums and ending up with an Irish accent. Or of how a girl can be raised in China (looking less and less Asian as she gets older) and end up speaking perfect English with no accent and also fails to comprehend Chinese characters on a scroll (of course it’s explained as ancient Chinese, but still). And then there’s how the police are able to figure out name and complete backgrounds of somebody who they only have a blurry picture of when most cops can’t identify murder victims that they have the actual bodies of. Not to mention one of said cops and said person in the blurry picture suddenly find one another randomly having had no previous contact and act as if they’re old buddies (which they aren’t). The list just goes on and on.

The only two redeeming values (and they aren’t very redeeming) are the action sequences and Kristen Kreuk’s incredible hotness. But the only action scene that’s more than 30 seconds seems to be the climax battle, which includes one of the cheesiest and most poorly done special effects I’d seen in a long time. With current technology, there was no need for it to look as awful as it did. But still, the action sequences were still, while not the best I've ever seen, rather entertaining... even if the wire-work was insanely obvious and it was clear they sped up the frames to make it look beter. And her helicopter spinkick moment was lame. But the best part of the movie was when Chun-Li goes into a club and seduces another woman. It lasts all of 30 seconds or so, but it’s hot. However, everything is soon ruined when you realize the song in the background (or at least the background song that follows it… I wasn’t paying that close attention to the music at the time) is an almost beat-for-beat rip-off ofTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II “Ninja rap.” Seriously, it’s like they put “Go ninja go ninja go!” on repeat, but then exchanged the words for “Street Fighter!” It was so cheesy and lame that it was nearly laughable.

This film is an utter mess. It unfortunately doesn't reach the cheese levels of the first live-action film, but is just laughable due to how absolutely nothing makes any logical sense and just looks ridiculous. And the terrible acting. I watched the "Unrated" version this time... but there's only less than a minute extra added, and I honestly couldn't tell any difference. If you want a good Street Fighter movie, check out the animated one. Hell, I'd even say to watch the original live-action version before this one. You'll get more so-bad-its-good entertainment there, at least. This one is just... not that good.

The Zed Word

(R.I.P. Michael Clarke Duncan)

V.G. Movies #7: Street Fighter.

[Welcome back to the Evolution of Video Game Movies series. Every week, I will be moving forward through time, starting with the earliest and ending with the most recent of video game movies. I will be detailing the histories of the games and how the films came about, and both my and fan reaction to the adaptations. Practically all of my background information is either common knowledge or from Wikipedia. So without further ado, let's move on to the next film on the list.]

THE HISTORY

I've already given practically all the history you need in my article for Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie. But to continue from there, the first live-action Street Fighter movie came out the same year as the aforementioned film, but to much fewer positive reviews. It was, actually, a box office hit--but was easily knocked down as one of the worst video game movies ever made. I've seen it before, but it's been well over a decade. So let's see how it holds up (or not).

THE FILM

This movie is a prime example of how a producer said "You know everything in the source material we're basing this on? Let's ignore that." This film takes the story and characters of Street Fighter and gives us M. Bison (Raul Julia), an insane general who wants to take over the world with an army of brainwashed and genetically enhanced super soldiers. His first test subject is that of Carlos Blanka (Robert Mammone), a friend of U.S. special forces colonel Guile (Jean-Claude Van Damme), who is now out to save him and some hostages. Guile eventually hires two traveling street fighters named Ken (Damian Chapa) and Ryu (Byron Mann) to infiltrate by getting in with crooked businessman Sagat (Wes Studi) and twisted cage fighter, Vega (Jay Tavare). Also on the case is a news reporter, Chun-Li (Ming-Na), and her crew of Balrog (Grand Bush) and E. Honda (Peter Navy Tuiasosopo), who wants revenge on Bison. And, of course, a hundred other characters appear.

Let's talk about it as an adaptation first. They couldn't even get the characters right. In the games, Balrog is a bad guy and Dee Jay isn't exactly evil (and he's a kickboxer). But the film has Balrog as a good guy and Dee Jay working for Bison as a hacker (though he's still not exactly evil). Dhalsim is a muscular, bald, moderately young yoga guy. In the film, he's an old, frail scientist who helps create Blanka. Guile is supposed to be this big, buff American. We get Jean-Claude Van Damme. Chun-Li is damn near a schoolgirl, but works for interpol, and here she's Ming-Na as a reporter. Ken is WAY off and very scrawny. Ryu is... OK, but the actor sucks. T. Hawk is supposed to be this massive Native American. He's played by someone who looks like a tiny pop star version of Atreyu from Neverending Story, but without looking native. The best casting was probably E. Honda, who I actually liked overall in the film. Worst of all is Bison himself, who is supposed to be a mountain of a man with a box for a jaw and overall incredibly intimidating. We get Raul Julia (of course!).

What about as just a film, ignoring adaptation stuff? The acting is super cheesy and over-the-top. Yes, Raul Julia has been lambasted for years for this role, but he is rather silly with it. Van Damme was just as bad--but it's Van Damme. What else would you expect? There are a couple good parts, though, I have to admit. As I said earlier, I do like E. Honda in the film. And the guy who plays Dee Jay is funny. The character is silly, but he does well with it. The writing is terrible, and the dialogue is mediocre-to-bad. It's hard to know what the hell is going on in the movie, but at the same time... you really don't care.

The most important thing about this flick is that it doesn't take itself seriously and it stays well into the side of so-bad-its-good. I don't think it ever gets to the point that it's just bad. It stays light and silly and cheesy, even ending on an incredibly out-of-place and pointless posing freeze frame of the bulk of the cast. This is one to make fun of with friends, but it's not bad enough to where it would hurt watching it alone, either. It's just a big mess from the ground up.


A Hot Mess

(P.S. And it's certainly not as bad as the other live-action Street Fighter flick, which I'll be reviewing later in the year. Ugh...)

(P.P.S. That also finishes up my second month of this. Stay tuned next month when we finish up this string of fighters and get into some handheld and computer game movies!)

And A Little More...

I realized I didn't fit everything in that I wanted to, so I'm doing a little bit more. I first wanted to include what I feel to be the 20 best performances of the decade.

To help, I've split them up into 2 different categories: Performances for a "good guy" character and, the much more interesting, performances for a "bad guy/anti-hero" character. And there are 10 in each, so they are essentially two Top 10 performances lists that I will then sift through for the Top 10 performances of the year list (hope that made sense). And I won't bother with an explanation... I'll just let the youtube videos do the talking (some clips were harder to find than others... some of these I had to use trailers). That being said, let's get to it.

Top 10 "Good Guy/Gal" Performances of the 2000s

10. Tallahassee - Woody Harrelson (Zombieland)



9. Tony Stark - Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man)



8. Dae-su Oh - Min-sik Choi (Oldboy)



7. Laura - Belen Rueda (The Orphanage)



6. Ulysses Everett McGill - George Clooney (O Brother, Where Art Thou?)



5. Joel Barish - Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)



4. Amelie Poulain - Audrey Tautou (Amelie)



3. Park Il-sun - Rain (I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK)



2. Randy "The Ram" - Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)



1. Trevor Adams - Ben Foster (Bang Bang You're Dead)

Top 10 "Bad Guy/Antihero" Performances of the 2000s

10. Richard B. Riddick - Vin Diesel (Pitch Black)



9. V - Hugo Weaving (V For Vendetta)



8. Alonzo - Denzel Washington (Training Day)



7. Anton Chigurh - Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men)



6. Vincent - Tom Cruise (Collateral)



5. John "Jigsaw" Kramer - Tobin Bell (The Saw Series)

Note: Whether you like the films or not, you can't deny Tobin Bell's acting is freakin' fantastic, and one of the only reasons even the less lenient fans keep coming back. Even I would have to say that if it weren't for Tobin Bell, this series wouldn't have lasted as long as it has. This particular clip (not so good quality) is from Saw II and features John talking to Detective Matthews.



4. Severus Snape - Alan Rickman (The Harry Potter Series)

Note: Rickman completely embodies Snape, and it wouldn't be the same with anybody else. But the video I want cannot be embedded, so follow this link. It's one of my favorite Snape scenes--the extended cut of Harry's first Potions class, which is so much better than the original cut, of course. Also, random fun fact, 2 of the 3 things Snape talks about toward the end of the clip come back in Half-Blood Prince.

3. Rorschach - Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)

Note: This scene is also refusing embedding. Probably for the better, as it's a pretty graphic scene. Anyway, here's the clip.

2. Hans Landa - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)



1. The Joker - Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Note: And, again, another clip that can't be embedded. It's the scene that made everybody fall in love with the character: The pencil trick. Check it out.

Top 10 Overall Performances of the 2000s

10. Joel Barish - Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
9. John "Jigsaw" Kramer - Tobin Bell (The Saw Series)
8. Amelie Poulain - Audrey Tautou (Amelie)
7. Park Il-sun - Rain (I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK)
6. Severus Snape - Alan Rickman (The Harry Potter Series)
5. Rorschach - Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)
4. Randy "The Ram" - Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
3. Trevor Adams - Ben Foster (Bang Bang You're Dead)
2. Hans Landa - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)
1. The Joker - Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Runner-Up: This movie didn't make any of my lists, but it probably should have. Hard Candy was a brutal thriller, and Ellen Page's performance is outstanding, better than anything else she's done yet. So I thought I'd give it a shout-out here.


The last thing I need to post is one thing I had nearly forgotten about: The worst films of the decade. No, I won't be doing an elaborate list here. It's just a decade list. Why? Because I don't go out of my way to see bad movies. So this list compromises the top (bottom?) ten films of the 2000s that I've actually seen. I'm sure there are far worse films than some of these out there. But these are pretty bad, too.

Worst Movies of the 2000s (That I've Seen)

10. The Strangers (2008)

This is one of the most overrated horror films ever. It's not scary. It's not even moderately creepy (at least after the first 10 minutes). It's just... bad.

9. Jumper (2008)

I was so looking forward to this movie. It turned into a total waste. They should have stuck with the younger actors that portrayed the characters before they went however many years "later."

8. Date Movie (2006)

Around the middle of the "Movie" Movie craze, right when they started getting unbearably bad (The "Scary Movies" were at least decent... but when they branched out, they just went downhill fast). Poor Alyson Hannigan.

7. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Not even Brendan Frasier could save this movie. Bad story, bad acting, bad special effects... it was just bad all around.

6. Dragonball Evolution (2009)

I'd been waiting for a live Dragonball movie since the 90s. And then they give us this travesty. It doesn't follow the Dragonball universe almost whatsoever. I do have to give them props on James Marsters as Piccolo. That was actually brilliant casting, and they even made Piccolo look pretty good with the makeup and whatnot. It's just unfortunate he had maybe 5 minutes of total screen time. It was just all wrong and all bad. This is one movie in serious need of a reboot.

5. Anything by Uwe Boll (2003-2009)

You can't have a worst-of list for the decade and not include Uwe Boll. Of his films, I've seen 2 (House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark). And that was more than enough. At least House of the Dead could be considered a so-bad-its-hilarious to watch and riff with friends. But the others... just terrible.

4. Diary of the Dead (2007)

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Romero used to be at the top of the horror field. And then he gave us this. It's terribly acted, and it can't even properly do the "found tape" style of movie. One of the characters actually tells you "I edited this movie after the fact and added tense music and some sound effects to help with the tension" (or something along those lines). Now that's just sad.

3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

This is why video game movies have a bad rep. Crap like this. I was literally embarrassed leaving the movie theater, hoping nobody was watching me leave this travesty of film. No kidding. I had never before nor have I ever since left a movie feeling embarrassed for having publicly seen it... not even the Twilight films. Bad. Bad bad bad.

2. The Spirit (2008)

The only reason my friend and I didn't walk out of this mess is that we were having too much fun riffing on it. This is a perfect riff movie, and I'd be tempted to buy it (from Amazon or some other non-public store) just to make my own personal rifftrax. It is so terribly awful that words cannot describe it. If you go back and look at my review for the movie after having seen it... I literally couldn't find the words to give a proper review. This is by and far one of the worst movies I have ever seen... but not the worst.

1. The Room (2003)

That honor goes to this gem, which I just saw this year. This movie is either a work of terror or a work of pure genius. Tommy Wiseau is either a total moron or the greatest filmmaker of our age. He has either given us the world's worst modern film or the greatest practical joke ever pulled on film. Words cannot describe this movie... it's probably best to go and listen to a previous LAMBcast where it's discussed (I'm not involved, however, as I hadn't seen it at that point). With classic lines like "Hi doggie!" or just his amazing laugh, "ha ha ha ha." The movie is classically, possibly even brilliantly, terrible.

STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI.

Video game adaptations are known for being bad on the whole. The first Street Fighter film was no exception. Neither is this one. Honestly, I don’t even want to waste my time going into the plot details (partly because I’m still not sure what the plot was). But it stars Kristen Kreuk, Chris Klein, Neal McDonough, Moon Bloodgood, Michael Clarke Duncan, and Liu Kang—I mean, Robin Shou.

The acting was awful from everybody, though Chris Klein needs to be punched in the face for the performance he gave. The script and all of its dialogue was atrocious, including the voice over. You know how they say not to do voice over in movies because it acts as a cop-out? A visual telling over showing? Well, I’ve never understood that (because I’ve always seen voice over done well) until now. Most of it was so completely unnecessary, and the film would have been better if they’d have shown the struggles or whatever it was that was being narrated instead of just saying it happened. The story was all over the place; hence me not bothering to give a plot summary.

There were also so many different illogical happenings, so many different things that just didn’t make sense. I don’t even know where to start listing things… from thick, plastic bathroom stall doors that shatter like glass to a white baby growing up in Chinese slums and ending up with an Irish accent. Or of how a girl can be raised in China (looking less and less Asian as she gets older) and end up speaking perfect English with no accent and also fails to comprehend Chinese characters on a scroll (of course it’s explained as ancient Chinese, but still). And then there’s how the police are able to figure out name and complete backgrounds of somebody who they only have a blurry picture of when most cops can’t identify murder victims that they have the actual bodies of. Not to mention one of said cops and said person in the blurry picture suddenly find one another randomly having had no previous contact and act as if they’re old buddies (which they aren’t). The list just goes on and on.

The only two redeeming values (and they aren’t very redeeming) are the action sequences and Kristen Kreuk’s incredible hotness. But the only action scene that’s more than 30 seconds seems to be the climax battle, which includes one of the cheesiest and most poorly done special effects I’ve seen in a long time. With current technology, there was no need for it to look as awful as it did. But still, the action sequences were still, while not the best I've ever seen, rather entertaining. But the best part of the movie was when Chun-Li goes into a club and seduces another woman. It lasts all of 30 seconds or so, but it’s hot. However, everything is soon ruined when you realize the song in the background (or at least the background song that follows it… I wasn’t paying that close attention to the music at the time) is an almost beat-for-beat rip-off of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II “Ninja rap.” Seriously, it’s like they put “Go ninja go ninja go!” on repeat, but then exchanged the words for “Street Fighter!” It was so cheesy and lame that it was nearly laughable.

By the time the movie was over, I was literally so embarrassed that I had actually watched this movie in public by myself (with the intent of enjoyment, not making fun of it) that I didn’t want the lights to come on as the credits began to roll. However, I very generously give it the following score simply based on what was mentioned in the previous paragraph. But that’s all I’m gonna say on the matter.

The Zed Word

P.E.S.T.

The Jonas Brothers in 3D and a remake of Street Fighter all in one weekend? Be still my heart! (Or not). It's Pre-Emptive Strike Thursday!

--------------

Title: Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.

Pre-Thoughts: Going back to the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana event that did so freaking well at the box office last year, I've never understood putting not only a concert in theaters, but making a concert 3D. To top it all off with the concert being the Jonas Brothers? You'll find more teeny boppers there than at an Edward Cullen suck fest (take that however you like).

Pre-Score:

She's Gone From Suck to Blow!



Title: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.

Pre-Thoughts: Remember how well the Van Damme version did? Well, lots of other people do, too. I don't know how this one will fair. It's interesting that they're having it focus on Chun-Li instead of the game's main protagonists Ken and Ryu, but I know there's some game storyline Street Fighter vs. Street Fighter II reasoning behind it. But I was never a big Street Fighter fan (nothing against it, just didn't play it), so I couldn't tell you. However, while the movie looks rather bad, it's actually including more of the superpowered stuff like hadokens, which I'd like to see on screen. And that's probably the same reason I'm gonna see Dragonball when it comes out this year, too. Though with my expectations so low, I might be in for a surprise. Hell, maybe that's what they're hoping for... if anybody goes to watch it.

Pre-Score:

Feed Me, Seymour!



Title: Crossing Over.

Pre-Thoughts: Is it just me, or has anybody else never heard of this movie? And with a cast like Harrison Ford, Ray Liotta, Ashley Judd, and (to a lesser extent) Jim Sturgess, I'm baffled as to why this film has had absolutely no advertisement whatsoever... at least that I've seen.

Pre-Score: Couldn't tell you... haven't even seen a trailer.