What If - Odd Thomas: The Movie.

Odd Thomas is one of my all-time favorite books. Never before has a book made me laugh out loud as much, kept me intrigued at what was going to happen next, and had such a huge emotional impact all at the same time. Dean Koontz isn't considered the best writer on the planet by most, but he does have a rather large following. I've read a fair share of his books, and I believe (as do many others) that Odd Thomas is his best. The series to follow, while good, never quite matched the wonder, wit, and emotion of the first book; but, as I said, they were still good.

Dean Koontz also hasn't had the best book-to-film track record. Almost all of his books that have gone to the screen have been the small screen--TV movies with much lacking (I don't think anybody will forgive those who mutilated the film version of Watchers). The biggest film that has ever come from Koontz's work is better known because of Kevin Smith ("Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms."). All of this massive mistreatment has even brought Koontz to (supposedly) disliking even the idea of making another of his works into a movie. And with a collection of books that could even rival Stephen King, who has had his fair share of lackluster films (but also his fair share of amazing ones), Koontz's book-to-film treatment could almost be seen as a crime in these days of an unoriginal Hollywood and book-to-film productions.

However, Odd Thomas is such a good book that it deserves to really shine on the big screen as what could possibly be Koontz's equivalent of a Frank Darabont-Stephen King adaptation. But who would direct it? Who would star in it? These are questions I've asked myself numerous times. First let's go for the director:

The book is mostly supernatural. Think of Odd Thomas as a grown up, though vastly more confident Cole from The Sixth Sense. He can see dead people (though the dead can't speak). Most of them try to come to him to help cross over, but others come to him for vengeance due to murder. Then there's the horror side of it, with the demonly bodachs, these strange shadow-creatures that feed off death and chaos. Then there's the thriller and mystery aspect of it, in which Odd has to try and figure out what's going down and how to stop it before it does. Of course there's the comedy, as the book is hilarious (usually in the first-person narration). Last but not least, we have the romance, which is a huge (though subtle) part of the book. The relationship between Odd and Stormy has to be passionate and deep; there has to be that chemistry. So who is a good director that can cover all of these aspects?

My vote goes to the amazing visionary, Guillermo del Toro. I know he can do horror, supernatural, thriller, comedy, and romance just between Pan's Labyrinth and Hellboy alone. Not to mention he has the visual eye that could make this movie look amazing, like it should be. But what about the perfect cast?

Odd Thomas is handsome, but plain. He's an everyman. He has to look ordinary, but special enough to where you could pick him out due to his charisma. He's the best fry cook in Pico Mundo, California, and has a very good wit and sense of humor. He's polite and has a sense of duty. He's also 20 years old in the first book. The biggest suggestions by fans have always been Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal (who look similar enough to each other). However, they're already almost too old for the part. Same goes for up-and-coming charmer James McAvoy. Hollywood go-to-boy Shia Labeouf doesn't even come close to looking the part. Michael Cera, while he has the age, is much too timid for the role. Another up-and-comer, Emile Hirsch, just doesn't look right, either. Paul Dano has the acting skill and close age range, but is just shy of the look. So my vote? Colin Hanks. He looks young, he can act young, he has good range of character, he's good looking but not too good looking, and I could definitely see him in this role.

Bronwen "Stormy" Llewellyn (because 'Stormy' makes her sound less like an elf) had a difficult, abusive childhood. She's described as almost Mediterranean in looks with olive skin, dark hair, and mesmerizing eyes. She's spunky, and is the love of Odd's life. They're soul mates, destined to be together forever. I've only ever had one choice for this role, an actress I've always pictured as Stormy since I first read the book. She might not have the olive skin, but she can do the black hair, and she certainly has mesmerizing eyes... not to mention she's spunky and could play this role lovably down to the 'T'. My vote goes to Zooey Deschanel, and no other.

Chief Wyatt Porter is the older, portly chief of police in Pico Mundo, California, and one of the few to know Odd's supernatural secret (as Odd often helps him out). I read, not too long ago, an inspired suggestion for the role, one which I quite like. And I know this actor can do a good cop, due to the movie Fallen. The vote is for none other than John Goodman.

Robert "Fungus Man" Robertson is the initial main antagonist of the novel, the man to bring the entire hoard of bodachs flooding into Pico Mundo upon his arrival. A lot of good suggestions have been thrown about for him. Steve Buscemi, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Bettany. My vote is for one of the first two, though I'm not incredibly picky on which. And as much as I adore Steve Buscemi, I think Mr. Hoffman could do some of the later bits better (as well as having more of the look).

"Little" Ozzie Boone is an author of novels, is very articulate, and is incredibly large (large enough to sit on Odd prior to the beginning of the book in order to get Odd to write down the story). This one would be tough to cast. John Goodman was also tossed around for this one, but I think he'd be a much better Chief Porter. One idea I read, and I do agree, would be Kevin Smith in a (good, realistic) fat suit. Otherwise, this is a tough choice. So I'll go with that.

Elvis Presley--yes, that Elvis--is a ghost and following Odd around for some reason or another. Though most of Elvis' appearances are of him in his younger years, making this a bit more difficult. They could cast an unknown, maybe even an impersonator, to do the job (no talking would be required). Though I would love for Bruce Campbell to pull off another Elvis (as previous done amazingly in Bubba Ho-Tep). But I really think it would only work for an older Elvis. So I guess it'd have to be a relatively unknown for the role.

Those are about all of the major roles. Sure, there's a few others in the supporting cast, but those are the big names of the first book. Now get this movie rollin'!