Deep Thoughts From Jason Soto #1: "Cars"... And A Caste System?

Talking to Jason the other day, he brought up an interesting point that inspired me to do something new on the blog. Every now and then, Jason comes up with some deep thoughts, but his blog doesn't really allow for a place for him to share them. So when this happens, he'll write up a guest post for my blog and share these with us. I call these... Deep Thoughts From Jason Soto. And here's the first one.

In this article, Jason brings up some points that either makes Cars a whole lot deeper than we once believed... or a whole lot stupider. You decide.


At my job presently, we are getting ready for back-to-school season. So we got a fuck-load of notebooks with different covers. One of the covers features the characters from "Cars," and as I was looking at this cover, it made me think all sorts of things about "Cars." Before I present them to you, let me tell you now that I have never seen either "Cars" films, so maybe some of these things might've been answered. If so, please leave a comment telling me so and what the answer is.

First off, how the fuck does this "Cars" world work? I mean, are there no sidewalks? No humans? Just cars that can think, talk, and drive around? That's just weird, man!

Secondly, it appears to me whatever make of car you're born as is what your profession is going to be for the rest of your life? Like the main car who's a racecar. What if he didn't like racing cars? What if he wanted to cut hair? Or be a boxer? Or go into porn? And what about Mater? He's stuck being a lowly tow truck for the rest of his life. He never got a chance in this life, man! Poor Mater.

Speaking of, how does sex even work in this world? Now, I only seen a 30-second clip from "Southland Tales" that featured two trucks fucking. I GUESS it's possible, but do the female cars have vaginas? What does car sperm look like anyway? Do they have the whole 9 months thing or is it like...2 weeks?

Are there retarded cars? Twin cars? How do cars die? EVERYTHING about this world makes no fucking sense to me! I see why this franchise is the worst of the Pixar lot cause every other Pixar film is at least based off of some human reality. But "Cars"? It's like "Maxiumum Overdrive" meets "The Twilight Zone": it's fucking terrifying.

Oh and... if humans did exist, could they get into the cars? Would the inside be filled with guts and organs and stuff? I could go on forever and ever, so I'll stop here. Again, if there is some answer to any of these questions (besides "it's a dumb kids movie, shut the fuck up Jason"), please let me know.


  1. First of all, that image is priceless. I think I need a poster-sized version to put up on my wall.

    As for the Cars stuff...amen, Soto. Beats the shit out of me, though now I really, really, really want there to be a third Cars movie, just so it can be about Race Car and his desire to switch careers and go into hair-cutting, only to realize that none of the planet's inhabitants have any hair. At least, I don't think any of the cars had hair. Anyway, it would be wildly depressing and that would make me happy.

    Fuck that retarded series.

    Oh, and super bonus points for the Southland Tales reference. :D

  2. Haha... yeah, Jason suggest I take a screenshot of him from The Vlog to put as the image for this segment. I found that one pretty quick. It's about a half-second shot, but it's in the season 3 finale (OMG a pre-released teaser pic!).

    I loved his Southland Tales reference, too. Who would have known someone would be able to make THAT particular reference, huh?

  3. Like a zen koan, this post poses questions that can clear your mind instantly.

    I have no answers for them. There are no answers for them.

    Except for one.

    "Are there retarded cars?"

    Yes there are. His name is Mater.


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